I love potatoes in all forms—and they do come in many—thus I’d like to start a conversation about their scintillating and delicious world. Particularly, I’d like to, if I may, discuss different ways to cook and eat potatoes. For the first installment: the tot. A deep fried cousin of hash browns and the redheaded stepchild of the croquette, tots are a nice, crunchy, tubular diversion from the standard French fry. “Tater Tots” proper are a registered trademark of Ore-Ida, and were developed in the early ‘50s as a way to salvage potato remnants—like hot dogs, but far less disgusting. Tots are delicious on their own, but I suggest the most glorious way to serve and eat them is in the form of “totochos.” Yes, this is a nacho hybrid wherein a bed of tots is smothered by cheese, tomatoes, chile, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce, onions, maybe beans, maybe meat. Totchos are best with beer and go well with a juke box full of classic rock. I insist, nothing in this world more bitching than cheese-covered plate of potato tubes, a pilsner and a Van Halen song.
In the Dog House
It stands to reason that most people go to the Dog House Drive In for hot dogs, so maybe that’s why the hamburgers are nothing to “bark” at. (Get it? Dog? Bark? Ah-ha-ha-ha!) The thin hamburger patty’s circumference is a fraction of that of the bun, and from the looks of it, if there were any flavor in that floppy brown disc I’m not sure I’d want to experience it. Next time I’ll know not to waste my hamburger allowance here. Go for the hot dog-eating neon dachshund, and stay for the cheesy tots they’ll deliver right to your car.