Valley Girl Talks

valley girl talks

V.25 No.10 | 03/10/2016

How to Fix a Problem

Because you obviously can't fix your problems on your own

Step 1: Identify the problem.
Substep A: Is that really the problem? If so, why is it a problem?
Step 2: Begin addressing the problem.
Substep B: Identify the part that is actually a problem.
Sub-substep a: Where/when does the issue begin?
Substep C: Realize that this will take time. Nothing is fixed overnight except sleepiness (Unless you have insomnia, then that sucks for you, bro.).
Step 3: Work on fixing the problem. If you can do anything about it, break it down into manageable parts.
Substep D: Where does the problem begin? With yourself? Or an exterior thing?
Substep E: If it's an exterior thing, does it really need to be changed? Can you actually change it?
Step 4: Is it solved?
Substep F: If yes, then continue to work on it, or at least keep an eye on it. Things regress easily, so you have to stay on top of it. Over time, it gets easier—depending on the problem.
Substep G: If no, begin this process again.
Step 5: If the problem still isn't fixed, it isn't where you think it is. Think critically or ask an outside source that has no connection to your problem (i.e. Me because I don't give a shit about your issues, mostly.)
Substep H: Begin the process again.
Step 6: Have a glass of water because you've been working really hard and you should rest for a bit.
Step 7: Congratulate yourself on what a great job you've done and are still doing. Even if you slip up, it's totally fine. Just stay on it, you'll be a-okay.

Make sense? Didn't think so. I'll give you a too real, personal experience and add where I applied each step as I saw it (which will probably be different for everyone, so don't be a dick and criticize me) over the years. That's right, years. Keep an eye out, though, the steps aren't always in order because life isn't in order, son! It's wacky and awful and fantastic, so hold onto your panties (that's the saying, right?), this is gonna be a weird and kinda sad ride.

So I kept trying to make plans with my childhood friend and she wasn't ever responding in a helpful way. What I mean is, she would occasionally hang out with me but never consistently and she also wouldn't respond to me whenever I wanted to talk to her. (Step 1) Like she wouldn't pick up the phone or respond to my texts or IMs. (Substep A) I got problems that I need to talk out with my femmey friends! Not to mention we've been friends forever. And she was ignoring me? No bueno.

(Step 2) So I asked her what was up! Why was she ignoring me? I mean, I knew she was involved with her boyfriend's life, but whatever happened to staying loyal to your friends, too? You know? She told me it was nothing personal, she was just busy with school. She was so close to graduating and getting her thesis done, she had no time to hang with anyone.

Alright... So I waited. And waited. And waited.

(Substep B) After graduation, we hung out for a little bit until she got “busy” again. (Sub-substep a) She had recently broken up with her long-time, super-shitty boyfriend and now was dating someone new (who is really cool and nice and sweet AF). This isn't new with her, she always would do that when she started dating someone new. And don't we all? It's just, personally, I think usually most of us move past that phase of just wanting to be around our partner. Like they're cool but also friends before Bens/Jens (not all my friends are straight so I had to come up with a more inclusive rhyme).

(Substep C) So I waited again. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Now it was the end of summer and a lot of our mutual, childhood friends were leaving town within a month or two. (Step 3) All of us began inviting her out a lot, and she kept reminding us that she doesn't like to go out to bars and stuff because (Substep E) that's the “single life” which isn't true but whatever. (Substep D) So we would invite her to other stuff, like just hanging out at home or go on walks or something and (Step 4) still, (basically) nada. She wasn't even there for their goodbye parties. It was really heartbreaking for me. I had to unfollow her on all social media platforms because I just couldn't deal with the idea of her not loving us, or me, how she used to.

So we all had been through this process for years. We got to Substep G and Substep H so many times so I'm just gunna move on to the last (missing) step.

So recently, another friend and I were talking about this and he said that (Step 5) she had new friends. They're interested in what she's interested in and they live basically the same lifestyle as she does and have the same ideas about life as she does. I can't be mad at that, you know? That's what happens as you get older. We're all just looking for a like-minded clan. I mean, I think we'll always be friends, but never how we used to be. That's fine, too. Now I have room for new people in my life who are more similar to me and challenge me in different and new ways and are fun in the way that I need people to be fun.

V.24 No.50 | 12/10/2015
take a chill pill, bb

Holiday Blues

It’s that time of year, people! We’re smack-dab in the middle of the holiday season. A lot of emotions surface right now because it’s the end of the year and people are going over everything that’s happened to them: the radical things, bogus things, and the icky, dumb grody shit. I’ve noticed a lot of people are having a really hard time right now, and that’s totally okay. It’s okay to not be okay! And it’s definitely okay to be okay! I got you, fam. But here are my super extra special, personal (and, like, serious) self-care tips for how to deal with the Holiday Blues.

-Don’t be so hard on yourself. Would you criticize the person you love the most for doing these things? Um, no. So take a chill pill, dude. You’re just, like, dust floating in the wind or something.

-Stop hanging around lame, shitty people. I don’t care if they’re friends or family, you don’t deserve that. If someone makes you gag, then don’t fuck with that shit. And also if that means being alone on a dumb, consumerist holiday, who cares! You totally deserve to feel safe and not miserable.

-Keep in mind that everyone is going through a lot right now (and also always, I guess). So like, you don’t need to be nice to everyone but you definitely don’t need to be mean or rude, either.

-Drink some water and have a snack! If you think you’ll feel better eating something healthy, then do that. But, like, if you think you’ll feel better eating junk then you should totally do that! If that doesn’t work, try a drink like water or juice or tea. Don’t overthink calories or anything, ‘cause you need to eat and drink to live! My favorites are cinnamon vanilla tea, dried seaweed and dark chocolate covered toffee sprinkled with pistachio bits. Yum!

-Things will get shitty before they improve, you’ll be a-okay. As someone who has had bouts of severe depression since I was 11, I pinky promise, it definitely gets better. It’s just like, a lot of things suck right now. But whatever!

-TREAT YO’SELF, boo, ‘cause you are a bitchin’, beautiful Mx and you totally, totally, deserve the best from and for yourself!

-I love you!

Xoxo Rini

V.24 No.44 | 10/29/2015

omg @La_Llorona

Every native New Mexican knows about La Llorona: a scorned woman, betrayed by her baby-daddy goes mad and kills her children. The tale is told to dumb kids to keep them inside at night and away from arroyos, eternally.

I thought kids were taught about this in school until I talked to my friends about it. I asked a few people if this had been their experience, but it seems like I’m the only one. I’ll chalk it up to parallel universe issue (like the Berenstain/Berenstein thing), it’s definitely not that I’m white and both of my parents aren’t from New Mexico.

For those of you new-locals who didn’t grow up here, this is what went down. There’s a few different versions, so if anyone tells you this is wrong, hear them out. But okay, so this super foxy lady (Maria, @La_Llorona) gets married to this rich dude. And they’re really happy together! What! And then guess what? They have two kids! Wow! Happy marriage and kids? What could get better! Um, nothing (if you’re into that kinda thing).

Since it can only go downhill from there, the dude ends up cheating on her with a slew of women and starts drinking heavily. He turns into a real fuck boy, like, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. And then this motherfucker gets with a younger woman who is richer than Maria. Wtf?? So Maria, being the trooper she is, moves forward with her life, whatever. She’s totally over it.

Well, one day she’s walking with her kids along a river and her POS Husband comes along in this (probably) dope ass carriage with his new lady. He stops and talks to the kids but get this: he completely ignores Maria. Rude. So eventually he leaves and she just snaps. Like how at Balloon Fiesta, when none of the food vendors have any vegetarian options after the balloons go up (I almost became a cannibal once, let’s not talk about it), you know what I mean? Anyway, so she drowns her kids. Drowns them! Drowns ‘em dead! And then after they’re dead they just float away down the river.

After she realized what she did she actually went insane. She just walked along the river crying till she died. She cried herself to death. Well, probably things like dehydration, starvation, lack of sleep were the actual reasons she died, but she would have taken care of those things if she wasn’t crying.

So her spirit continued in the afterlife looking for her innocent babies. No idea what her plan is after that, but I’ve never been in that situation before, so I can’t really talk. But neither can she. Because she’s dead. Unless you count her wailing, sobbing, and general calling out for her eternally lost kids.

So that’s it! Tragic, right? Moral of the story: Live like Big Sean when you’re near the river and you hear a yell, leave (i.e. I don’t fuck with you ft. E-40). Except actually, you should because it’s probably someone in danger.