Alibi V.24 No.28 • July 9-15, 2015 

Crib Notes

Crib Notes: July 9, 2015

News Monkey

1) Potential plans for the future of Burque’s BioPark have been submitted to city officials for legislative guidance. The report on improving the zoo is _______________ pages long.

a) 108; a number with mystic associations

b) 3; because the animals are being released into the Bosque in 2022, how hard can that be?

c) 10,000; mostly descriptions of demands by the primates for more bananas

d) 0; there is no BioPark; it’s really a prison for cute and cuddly animals.

2) During the summer raccoons and other urban wildlife like coyotes are a thing in the Duke City. What order of mammals do the rascally but sometimes vicious little rapscallions belong to?

a) Artiodactyla

b) Hyracoidea

c) Carnivora

d) Pholidata

3) A forward-thinking UNM alum on the cutting edge of medicine recently opened this city’s first _______________________ practice.

a) Brain-to-computer download

b) Limb regeneration

c) Age reversal

d) Cryotherapy

4) Local teevee news reports recently revealed the City of Albuquerque sent employees on an all-expenses-paid trip to check out ____________________.

a) The Raccoon County Music Festival

b) The Zooropa Tour

c) The Futuristic Medical Practices Association Convention

d) The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival

5) A summertime study commissioned by county government reckons the city ought to have twice as many _______________________ as it currently does.

a) cement ponds

b) double-naught agents

c) crafty chimpanzee sidekicks

d) smoked crawdads

Answers:

1) A. The report is 108 mystical pages long. Implementation of much of the suggested improvements would require increased taxation over a period of several years.

2) C. Those razor-sharp little teeth and piercing eyes give it away: Raccoons are meat-eaters.

3) D. Cryotherapy uses sub-zero temperatures generated by stuff like liquid nitrogen to ameliorate inflammation and lesions, say advocates. Jarrin Soloman’s clinic will be the first of its type in town.

4) D. The government-funded trip was meant to improve event services here in Albuquerque, but at least one city councilor is aghast about the expense of it all.

5) A. The city needs more swimming pools. Whoever figured that out needs to get a hat on—that dang brain needs protectin’.