Alibi V.25 No.2 • Jan 14-20, 2016 

Odds & Ends

Odds and Ends

Dateline: Kyrgyzstan

A visiting mineworker’s joke comparing sausages to horse penises got him arrested for inciting racial violence in a former Soviet republic. Scotsman Michael Mcfeat, who is serving as the “welding supervisor” at Kumtor Gold Company in Issyk Kul province, created an international incident after posting a New Year’s Eve picture of Kyrgyz miners feasting on their country’s national dish, a horsemeat sausage known as “chuchuk.” In his caption for the pic, Mcfeat suggested the men were “queuing out the door” for the “special delicacy, the horse’s penis!!!” AFP reported that his coworkers were so offended they actually moved to strike at the Kumtor Gold Mine. According to England’s ITV, Mcfeat was charged with “racial hatred” and could have faced up to five years in prison. Shortly after his arrest, Mcfeat posted again on Facebook, saying, “I would like to take the opportunity to sincerely apologize for the comment I made on here about the Kyrgyz people and horse’s penis.” A British Foreign Office spokesperson told news outlets that the British government was in contact with local authorities on the incident. Within days of Mcfeat’s arrest, Kyrgyz police announced an investigation concluded the British citizen “was not inciting racial violence through his comments.” He was, however, deported from the country for “improper documentation”—a charge Mcfeat denies.

Dateline: Texas

Firefighters in Fort Worth raced to the scene of a reported fire in a grain elevator, only to find a man practicing juggling with flaming batons. Fort Worth Fire Department spokesperson Lt. Kyle Falkner said the Engine 10 crew responded around 7pm on Sunday, Jan. 3, to a fire on the eighth floor of an abandoned grain elevator. “When they got there they saw a guy juggling flaming batons in the grain elevator,” Falkner told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. The man was unable to give firefighters a reason for his being in the building. “They put his torches out,” Falkner said. No damages were reported.

Dateline: Michigan

This year’s “White Trash Couple of the Year” Award goes to a duo whose happy day got progressively worse when they were arrested for stealing jewelry and sex toys. Police in Bay City say 25-year-old William Cornelius Jr. started off Dec. 31 by proposing marriage to his 20-year-old girlfriend, Sheri Moore, at a Walmart store. Employees and other shoppers congratulated the couple after Cornelius’ proposal note was read over the store’s loudspeaker. Cornelius even purchased his bride-to-be an engagement ring for $29.62. After their very public declaration of love, the couple made their way to the Bay City Mall in Bangor Township. There, employees at the Spencer’s Gifts called police, saying they suspected the couple of shoplifting. The Bay City Times reports that when police arrived, they found Cornelius in the mall’s food court, “apparently having fallen asleep at a table while tying his shoes.” When he was searched, Cornelius had a watch, an edible thong, a sex toy, panties and sex candy from Spencer’s. Total value on the items was $80.93. Moore was found to be in possession of a pair of gold earrings and a silver necklace with a star pendant on her—both of which came from Walmart. She denied stealing the items and told police she was not going to “snitch” on Cornelius. The groom-to-be admitted to police he took the items for his fiancée. On Jan. 5, Cornelius was arraigned on one count of third-degree retail fraud. He faces up to 93 days in jail and a fine of $500 or three times the value of the stolen property. Cornelius was on probation at the time of the thefts, having been sentenced in November 2014 on charges of “ethnic intimidation.”

Dateline: Ohio

An Ohio prisoner who sued the state for $2 million after he was denied a bathroom visit had his lawsuit denied by a judge using a five-stanza poem. “Neither runs nor constipation/can justify this litigation,” wrote Franklin County Judge David Cain in part. The inmate, Darek Lathan, alleged that he soiled himself and was ridiculed after a guard at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient refused his request to use a restroom while standing in line waiting for recreation time on the evening of Sept. 17. “You know, if he is going to file something that frivolous, he can’t expect me to be too judicious in how I respond,” Cain told the Columbus Dispatch. In his rhyming decision, the judge summed up Lathan’s problem thusly: “While in line for recreation/And little time for hesitation/His anal sphincter just exploded/The plaintiff’s britches quickly loaded.” But, the judge concluded, “The law povideth no relief/From such unmitigated grief.”

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.