Alibi V.28 No.27 • July 4-10, 2019 

Letters

Leviticus’ll Get Ya

Dear Fundamentalists,

Pride Month has drawn to a close, and sadly so many of you are against it for “moral obligations” (read: against your religion).

With that said, I have some questions for you:

First and foremost, [of] the clothing you wear on a daily basis, what is the fiber content? Are they mixed, are they synthetic? If they are, I’ve got some bad news for you. According to Leviticus 19:19, mixed fibers in clothing is a capital offense.

Secondly, have you ever eaten pork, [such as] bacon? If that’s a yes, I’ve got some bad news for you, yet again. This time [it’s] Leviticus 11:7-8.

Have you ever desired better than you have? Well, according to the Bible, that’s envious, which is once again forbidden.

And now here’s one I know every “Christian” fails to follow: Have you ever either done work or had someone else do work on the seventh day?

If you have, I am so sorry to say that you’ve committed an even greater sin than anyone who you see as “sinful.” Leviticus 23:3 forbids doing work or having others do work for you on the seventh day (Sabbath). I personally know that many people go to worship on the seventh day. They “justify” this sin by claiming they are “doing righteous works” by going to worship. I am terribly sorry, but the most righteous thing you can do on your day of worship is to remain in bed, not doing any work nor having someone else do work for you.

I do have many more things I could reference, but there is only so much you can fit in such a short letter.

Chesca Christine,

Albuquerque
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