The Launchpad, Swine Flu and You: An Important Announcement

Tracy models the new Swine Flu-Happy Hour Respirator
Tracy models the new Swine Flu-Happy Hour Respirator

In spite of the raging pandemic known as Swine Flu or influenza A(H1N1), Launchpad will be open today for one of our most deliberate happy hours ever. We will serve our half-priced drinks with gusto, blatantly mocking the lethargy brought on by the infection of this illness. After a lengthy conference call this morning with leading representatives with World Health Organization (WHO) and World Happy Hour Association Technologies (WHHAT), we have collectively agreed that, while influenza A(H1N1) is nothing to sneeze at, we WILL NOT let our happy hour clientele down when they need us the most.

The United States Government has reported 109 laboratory confirmed human cases, including one death. Mexico has reported 156 confirmed human cases of infection, including nine deaths.

The following countries have reported laboratory confirmed cases with no deaths - Austria (1), Canada (34), Germany (3), Israel (2), Netherlands (1), New Zealand (3), Spain (13), Switzerland (1) and the United Kingdom (8).

Launchpad has reported 0 laboratory confirmed human cases, and once again Mayor Chavez, 0 citations from SID. This will be a BYOHS (Bring Your Own Hand Sanitizer) event. See you at 5.

That is all.