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 V.15 No.52 | December 28 - January 3, 2007 

Feature

Pronoia News Network

An excerpt from Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia

Exclusive! The Beauty and Truth Laboratory reports the news before it happens!

In this special Pronoia News Network report, our psychic journalists bring you the stories that haven’t happened yet—but will!

Conviviality Revolution

A new breed of well-read, charismatic homeless people will arise. They’ll spread understanding and laughter through their communities, and will be routinely feasted in the homes of grateful citizens.

Recovered Memories

The recovered memories movement will take a bizarre turn when many adults begin to recall under hypnosis long-suppressed memories of joy and peace experienced when they were children.

Eros Upgrade

The average length of an act of heterosexual intercourse in America—which is currently only four minutes—will jump to 22 minutes.

Lawyer Glut

The government will pay subsidies to some lawyers so they won’t practice law—much as it now pays supermarket chains to keep cheese off the market when there is too much and the excess would bring prices down.

Health Leaps

Scientists will confirm Plato’s belief that besides eating, breathing, sleeping and mating, every creature has an instinctual need to periodically leap up into the air for no other reason than because it feels so good.

 

Tomorrow's Events

Wild About Smiles at Pima Medical Institute

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Schedule an appointment for dental sealants, fluoride treatments, oral hygiene instruction and visits from the Tooth Fairy for children ages 6-14.

Old-Time Music Jam Circle • Virginia Creepers at Tractor Brewing Taproom

Monday Night Film Club at Tractor Brewing Wells Park

More Recommended Events ››
 

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