St. Valentine’s Day Card Massacre
The Alibi’s eighth annual contest
By John Bear
Valentine’s Day is a phony holiday created by cruel corporations to sell diamonds, chocolates and cards by provoking our insecurities. Of course, to those who get all kinds of diamonds, chocolates and cards, it’s a pretty good day.
The Alibi tries to help everyone feel good, hence the eighth annual Valentine’s Day Card Contest.
There was some good stuff. Violence figured heavily—a lot of guns and people choking each other. A cow munched on a heart. There was an angry poem about losing one's love to methamphetamine. Cupid shot a man/woman in his/her heart-shaped posterior. There were cops, insect bites, infectious disease, skulls, recrimination. We wish we could print them all, but there are only three top slots in this competition.
Here they are, the winners of the eighth annual Valentine’s Day Card Contest. Top three art-makers: Come on down to 413 Central NW between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. on weekdays to collect your prizes.
People around the office loved this plastic sign. It would look great installed somewhere, street-art style. And that’s real braille. Impressive. You win a free massage from Anthony Robinson, two tickets to Guild Cinema and a $20 gift card to The Grove Café & Market.
Anthony went full-on creepy with an anatomically correct heart card that beats. It’s very “Tell-Tale Heart.” Anthony wins a $20 gift certificate to All Seasons Gardening, two tickets to Guild Cinema and a $20 gift card to The Grove Café & Market.
There's a heart inside this deodorant and ingredients on the back. Love doesn't stink so bad. Scott wins a $10 gift certificate to Ellie's Yoberri Park, two tickets to Guild Cinema and a $20 gift card to The Grove Café & Market.
You win nothing but our undying gratitude and respect. Congratulations!
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