Alibi Sex Survey
Albuquerque’s Sexiest Staff
By Gregory J. Pleshaw
I once heard it said from a very wise man in the restaurant industry that "men go where the women are—and women go where the bathrooms are clean."
Wise words, perhaps, but not ones that always bear fruit—downtown bars, for example, are loaded with downright nasty bathrooms (you know who you are), but clearly when alcohol is involved, hygiene goes right out the window, leading to a lot of sexy people hanging out in places where the johns and janes are simply atrocious.
Over this past weekend, for example, I counted hundreds of sexy people from all genders (yes, there are more than two) at various downtown watering holes, but I was keeping an eye out for staff who can raise an eyebrow, and I found them everywhere—Sister, Burt's Tiki, Effex, and certainly the Anodyne, who to the eye of this critic boast some really outstanding looking people behind the bar.
But our readers had altogether different ideas of who has the sexiest staff in town.
Take Self Serve, for example, our runaway winner in this category. And this makes sense—do you really want to test drive new dildos and vibrators and strap-on gear with someone that you couldn't imagine getting down with? On a recent visit to Self Serve, a very pretty young lady gave me the "ins and outs" of using a jelly dick, for example, while another equally attractive female helped me find the right vibrator for my lady in arms.
"Feel the vibration," she said coyly, pressing the tip of the device against my wrist. "Isn't it dreamy?"
With service like that, it's no wonder that Self Serve takes top prize with over ninety respondents putting the venerable sex shop on Central in the top slot of Sexy Staff. "Try this lube," said another before I left, swabbing me with some liquid silicone. "This will get you in—and out—of some really tight spaces."
Be still my heart!
Hooter's is another hot spot that received many votes from our readers. I have to admit that until just recently, I avoided Hooter's as the sort of place that wouldn't interest me—who cares about frat boys and football games, right? (I'm an art fag, after all.) But there are Hot Chicks there, after all, and not only are they clad in tight t-shirts, but they do tricks! With hula hoops! And they smile a lot! At me! It's enough to make a man want to belly up to the bar and buy some fried clams and learn all about football.
But enough about the hot chicks of Albuquerque—where can a lady go to get herself an eyeful of some hot man flesh while she enjoys a little nosh or tipples back a Cosmopolitan? Well, it may surprise you to learn (it certainly surprised us) that many respondents actually find the men of the Alibi (ahem, right over here!) to be among the sexiest staffers in Albuquerque. This is especially surprising since we don't serve drinks or food and most of us look very downright un-sexy putting together a newspaper in our cubicles.
Other honorable mentions for men include: Effex Nightclub, Dressed to Kill, and a place called Dr. Roderick Garcia's Dentistry Practice. Billy's Long Bar also got a few votes, and perhaps the most likely place to find hot men in the city of Albuquerque goes to the Albuquerque Fire Department, which received one very emphatic response. But according to one respondent, "Sexy people are everywhere,"—certainly the case if you're downtown at around 1:30 on a Friday night, right?
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