Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. E-mail your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
5 min read
DATELINE: NIGERIA— Thanks to a U.S. aid organization handing out free laptops, Nigerian schoolchildren have entered the computer age and are now happily surfing pornographic websites on the Internet. The official News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reported last Thursday that one of its reporters had seen pornographic images stored on several of the children’s laptops. “Efforts to promote learning with laptops in a primary school in Abuja have gone awry as the pupils freely browse adult sites with explicit sexual materials,” NAN said. A representative of the One Laptop Per Child aid group was quoted as saying that the computers, part of a pilot program, would now be fitted with filters. DATELINE: AUSTRALIA— Professional rugby player Ben Czislowski played for more than three months before discovering that the source of his mysterious headaches was, in fact, an opponent’s tooth lodged in his head. The prop-forward was playing for the Brisbane team, the Wynnum Manly Seagulls, on April 1 of this year when he clashed noggins with Tweed Heads forward Matt Austin. According to the Australian Associated Press, the 24-year-old Czislowski received stitches above his left eye following the incident. Czislowski later suffered an eye infection and shooting pains in his head. Last week, a doctor found a tooth imbedded in Czislowski’s cranium. “I can laugh about it now, but the doctor told me it could have been serious, with teeth carrying germs,” said Czislowski, who is keeping the tooth on his bedside table. “If he [Austin] wants it back, he can have it.” DATELINE: OHIO— The FBI believes bank teller Kimberly Duncan left out a key detail this month when giving police a description of the man who twice robbed the Cleveland bank where she worked—namely, that the gun-wielding robber was her older brother, Joshua Duncan. Also, she might have mentioned the getaway car he used was actually her green Chrysler Sebring. The Plain Dealer reports that both Duncan siblings were in U.S. District court last Friday answering charges of bank robbery and using a firearm in a violent crime (on Joshua Duncan’s part) and aiding and abetting a bank robbery (on Kimberly Duncan’s part). Joshua Duncan first robbed the bank where his sister works in May. He robbed it again three weeks ago. Both times, he went to Kimberly Duncan with a note demanding money. The first time, he scored nearly $10,000. The second time, he ordered his sister and another teller to open the bank vault and walked away with nearly $108,000. Joshua Duncan was arrested earlier this month on drug charges and held for trial when his description matched that of the bank robber. A witness also got a partial read on the license plate of the getaway car, which matched Kimberly Duncan’s license number. According to the affidavit, the Duncans admitted to the robberies when interviewed by police. DATELINE: ALASKA— Police in Anchorage believe a five-man brawl outside a Papa John’s pizza restaurant was sparked by a slight misunderstanding. Last Sunday night, Raymond Keith McWain noticed a truck traveling alongside his car with three men inside. One of the men inside the truck began gesturing. McWain interpreted the gestures as a sign of disrespect aimed at him. According to police reports, McWain honked his horn and cut off the truck before turning into the parking lot of the pizza restaurant. The truck followed. McWain’s cousin, Daniel Harris, who works at Papa John’s, exited the establishment and started to attack the man who had flashed the hand signals. The other two men in the truck responded by beating McWain. Police said multiple shots were fired from at least one gun. The Anchorage Daily News reports that Harris was the only participant arrested after police allegedly found several baggies of methamphetamines, a glass pipe and $4,691 in his pockets. The punch line: Turns out the man McWain and his cousin attacked was deaf and mute, and was simply using American Sign Language to communicate with his companions inside the truck. DATELINE: NEW YORK— A 72-year-old woman has become the victim of a hit-and-run in the checkout aisle of her local supermarket, reports the Lower Hudson Online. State police told the news site a 45-year-old Dutchess County man became enraged at a 72-year-old woman who was in front of him at the checkout line of the Super Stop & Shop in suburban Somers last Wednesday and ran her over with his shopping cart. Sgt. Joseph Lutz said the woman was checking out about 9:15 p.m. and was processing her debit card when Curcio became impatient and bumped her with his cart. “She then said something to him. He got mad, hitting her twice with the cart and knocking her over before he fled,” Lutz said. The 72-year-old woman was treated at Hudson Valley Hospital Center in Cortlandt and released. Curcio was charged with second-degree assault and petty larceny for removing $85 worth of groceries from the store.