ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Don’t be angry with the rain," counseled author Vladimir Nabokov. "It simply does not know how to fall upward." In the coming week, I advise you to apply that principle to a host of phenomena, Aries. Don’t get all knotted up about any force of nature that insists on being itself, and don’t waste your time trying to figure out how to disobey the law of gravity. It’s fine if you find it amusing to go against the flow, but don’t expect the flow to follow you in your rebellion. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Where will you be in the latter half of 2016? What will you be doing? Now would be an excellent time to fantasize and meditate about questions like those. You’re likely to have a good bit of intuitive foresight in the coming days—some ability to discern the embryonic patterns swirling in the mists. But even more importantly, you will have extra power to dream up potent visions for your best possible future and plant them as seeds in the fertile bed of your subconscious mind. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I believe you’re close to getting permanent immunity from hell, Gemini. Take it as a metaphor if you like, but consider the possibility that there may soon come a time when you will never again be susceptible to getting dragged into the bottomless pit. You will receive the equivalent of a "Get out of jail free" card that forever guarantees you exemption from the worst of the nightmare realms. Please note: I’m not saying you will be forever free of all suffering. But if you simply keep doing the smart things you’ve been doing lately, you will tap into a reservoir of stabilizing poise so strong that "the devil" will have no further claim on your soul. CANCER (June 21-July 22): In "The Blood," an episode of the TV show "Seinfeld," George tries to go for "the Trifecta": eating a pastrami sandwich and watching TV while having sex. His girlfriend isn’t pleased about it, though, so the triple-intense pleasure doesn’t materialize in the way George had hoped. But something akin to this scenario could very well work for you in the coming week, Cancerian. You will have a knack for stirring up more fun and pleasure than usual through the inventive use of multitasking. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In Wiccan circles, a "familiar" is a supernatural entity or magic animal that serves as a spirit ally. Some witches regard their cats as their familiars. In Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy of fantasy books, the "daemon" (very different from a "demon") plays a similar role: a shapeshifting creature that embodies a person’s soul. This would be an excellent time for you to develop a closer relationship with a familiar or daemon or any other uncanny helper, Leo. You have more hidden power at your disposal than you realize, and it’s a propitious time to call on it. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "Wheel of Fortune" is a TV game show in which players vie to guess a mystery phrase that is revealed letter by letter. On one episode not too long ago, a highly intuitive contestant solved the puzzle even though just one letter had been unveiled. The winning answer was "I’ve got a good feeling about this." From what I can tell, Virgo, you’ve got a similar aptitude these days—an ability to foresee how things are ultimately going to develop simply by extrapolating from a few clues. I encourage you to make liberal use of your temporary superpower. (P.S. I’ve got a good feeling about this.) LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You have about 100 billion neurons in your brain. That also happens to be the approximate number of stars in the Milky Way Galaxy. Coincidence? I think not. As the mystic dictum reminds us, "As above, so below." The macrocosm and microcosm are mirrors of each other. Everything that happens on a collective level has an intimately personal impact. The better you know yourself, the more likely you are to understand how the world works—and vice versa. I urge you to be alert for concrete evidence of this principle, Libra. Your week will be successful if you make it your background meditation. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "By the year 2021, the complete gratification of sexual desires will be as easy and stress-free as drinking a glass of water." That was one of 25 prophecies delivered to me by a polite, well-spoken madman I met on a July morning in a café in Earls Court, London, back in 1990. Sixteen of his other predictions have come true so far (like "America will have a black president by 2010," "You will become a famous astrologer," "60-year-old women will be able to give birth"), so I’m thinking that the one about easy sexual gratification could turn out to be accurate as well. Until then, Scorpio, you may sometimes have to deal with periodic struggles in getting your needs met. Having said that, though, I’m happy to announce that the coming weeks are shaping up as one of your closest approximations to the supposed 2021 levels of erotic bliss. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The beauty contests in Saudi Arabia don’t judge women on the basis of their physical appearance. A recent winner, Aya Ali al-Mulla, was crowned "Queen of Beautiful Morals" without ever revealing the face and form shrouded beneath her black head-to-toe garment. Instead, her excellence emerged during a series of psychological and social tests that evaluated her strength of character and service to family and society. I’d like to borrow this idea and apply it to you. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you could and should be a paragon of moral beauty in the coming week—a shining example and inspiration to all the other signs of the zodiac. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Filip Marinovich calls his poetry book And If You Don’t Go Crazy I’ll Meet You Here Tomorrow . I’m borrowing that title for this horoscope. So here goes: If you don’t go crazy in the coming days, Capricorn, I’ll meet you here again next week. To be clear: There is an excellent chance you will be able to keep our appointment. The astrological omens suggest you’ll call on reserves of wisdom that haven’t been accessible before, and that alone could prevent you from a brush with lunacy. You’re also primed to be nimble in your dealings with paradoxes, which, again, should keep you from descending into fairy-tale-style madness. But even if you do take a partial detour into the land of kooky, I think it will have an oddly healing effect on you. See you next time! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There’s no better way to inform you of your task right now than to cite Hexagram 18 of the I Ching, the ancient Chinese book of divination. The title of the oracle is "Work on What Has Been Spoiled." Here’s an interpretation by the I Ching’s translator Richard Wilhelm, with a little help from me: "What has been spoiled through human mistakes can be made good again through human work. It is not immutable fate that has caused the state of corruption, but rather the abuse of human freedom. Toil that is done to correct the situation bodes well, because it is in harmony with cosmic potentials. Success depends on diligent deliberation followed by vigorous action." PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Breaking the rules could be a boon for your closest relationships if it’s done out of deep caring and not out of anger or boredom. Can you commit to that high standard, Pisces? I hope so, because it’s prime time to shake up and reinvigorate stale concepts about togetherness. You will never know how much more interesting your intimate alliances can be unless you put that vivacious imagination of yours to work. Would you be willing to buy tickets for a joint excursion to the frontier? Go hunting for surprises that recalibrate the dynamic between you and yours? Take a collaborative risk you’d never want to face alone? Homework: Imagine you overhear a whispered conversation that changes your life for the better. What would it be about? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.
Go to realastrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at (877) 873-4888 or (900) 950-7700.