ARIES (March 21-April 19): On the one hand, you’re facing a sticky dilemma that you may never be able to change no matter how hard you try. On the other hand, you are engaged with an interesting challenge that may very well be possible to resolve. Do you know which is which? Now would be an excellent time to make sure you do. It would be foolish to keep working on untying a hopelessly twisted knot when there is another puzzle that will respond to your love and intelligence. Go where you’re wanted. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): From an astrological perspective, it’s the New Year season; you’re beginning a fresh cycle. How would you like to celebrate? You could make a few resolutions—maybe pledge to wean yourself from a wasteful habit or self-sabotaging vice. You could also invite the universe to show you what you don’t even realize you need to know. What might also be interesting would be to compose a list of the good habits you will promise to cultivate, and the ingenious breakthroughs you will work toward, and the shiny yet gritty dreams you will court and woo. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "My father-in-law was convinced that his sheepdogs picked up his thoughts telepathically," writes Richard Webster in his article "Psychic Animals." "He needed only to think what he wanted his dogs to do, and they would immediately do it. He had to be careful not to think too far ahead, as his dogs would act on the thought he was thinking at the time." To this I’d add that there is a wealth of other anecdotal evidence, as well as some scientific research, suggesting that dogs respond to unspoken commands. I happen to believe that the human animal is also capable of picking up thoughts that aren’t said aloud. And I suspect that you’re in a phase when it will be especially important to take that into account. Be discerning about what you imagine, because it could end up in the mind of someone you know! CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your right brain and left brain have rarely been on such close speaking terms as they are right now. Your genitals and your heart seem to be in a good collaborative groove as well. Even your past and your future are mostly in agreement about how you should proceed in the present. To what do we owe the pleasure of this rather dramatic movement toward integration? Here’s one theory: You’re being rewarded for the hard work you have done to take good care of yourself. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A South African biologist was intrigued to discover an interesting fact about the rodent known as the elephant shrew: It much prefers to slurp the nectar of pagoda lilies than to nibble on peanut butter mixed with apples and rolled oats. The biologist didn’t investigate whether mountain goats would rather eat grasses and rushes than ice cream sundaes or whether lions like fresh-killed antelopes better than Caesar salad, but I’m pretty sure they do. In a related subject, Leo, I hope that in the coming weeks you will seek to feed yourself exclusively with the images, sounds, stories and food that truly satisfy your primal hunger rather than the stuff that other people like or think you should like. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): There are only a very few people whose ancestors were not immigrants. They live in Africa, where homo sapiens got its start. As for the rest of us, our forbears wandered away from their original home and spread out over the rest of the planet. We all came from somewhere else! This is true on many other levels, as well. In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you Virgos to get in touch with your inner immigrant this week. It’s an excellent time to acknowledge and celebrate the fact that you are nowhere near where you started from, whether you gauge that psychologically, spiritually or literally. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "When I’m good, I’m very good," said Hollywood’s original siren, Mae West, "but when I’m bad, I’m better." I think that assertion might at times make sense coming out of your lips in the next two weeks. But I’d like to offer a variation that could also serve you well. It’s articulated by my reader Sarah Edelman, who says, "When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m batty, I’m better." Consider trying out both of these attitudes, Libra, as you navigate your way through the mysterious and sometimes unruly fun that’s headed your way. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Weekly World News , my favorite source of fake news, reported on a major development in the art world: An archaeologist found the lost arms of the famous Venus de Milo statue. They were languishing in a cellar in Southern Croatia. Hallelujah! Since her discovery in 1820, the goddess of love and beauty has been incomplete. Will the Louvre Museum in Paris, where she is displayed, allow her to be joined by her original appendages and made whole again? Let’s not concern ourselves now with that question. Instead, please turn your attention to a more immediate concern: the strong possibility that you will soon experience a comparable development, the rediscovery of and reunification with a missing part of you. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Seventeenth-century physicians sometimes advised their patients to consume tobacco as a way to alleviate a number of different maladies, from toothaches to arthritis. A few doctors continued recommending cigarettes as health aids into the ’50s. This bit of history may be useful to keep in mind, Sagittarius. You’re in a phase when you’re likely to have success in hunting down remedies for complaints of both a physical and psychological nature. But you should be cautious about relying on conventional wisdom, just in case some of it resembles the idea that cigarettes are good for you. And always double check to make sure that the cures aren’t worse than what they are supposed to fix. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Outer space isn’t really that far away. As astronomer Fred Hoyle used to say, you’d get there in an hour if you could drive a car straight up. I think there’s a comparable situation in your own life, Capricorn. You’ve got an inflated notion of how distant a certain goal is, and that’s inhibiting you from getting totally serious about achieving it. I’m not saying that the destination would be a breeze to get to. My point is that it’s closer than it seems. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When most Westerners hear the word "milk," they surmise it has something to do with cows. But the fact is that humans drink milk collected from sheep, goats, camels, yaks, mares, llamas and reindeer. And many grocery stores now stock milk made from soybeans, rice, almonds, coconut, hemp and oats. I’m wondering if maybe it’s a good time for you to initiate a comparable diversification, Aquarius. You shouldn’t necessarily give up the primal sources of nourishment you have been depending on. Just consider the possibility that it might be fun and healthy for you to seek sustenance from some unconventional or unexpected sources. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) : You wouldn’t want to play a game of darts with an inflatable dartboard, right? If you were a smoker, you’d have little interest in a fireproof cigarette. And while a mesh umbrella might look stylish, you wouldn’t be foolish enough to expect it to keep the rain out. In the spirit of these truisms, Pisces, I suggest you closely examine any strategy you’re considering to see if it has a built-in contradiction. Certain ideas being presented to you—perhaps even arising from your own subconscious mind—may be inherently impractical to use in the real world. Homework: Do you allow your imagination to indulge in fantasies that are wasteful, damaging or dumb? I dare you to stop it. Testify at freewillastrology.com.
Go to realastrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at (877) 873-4888 or (900) 950-7700.