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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Wageni ni baraka is a Swahili proverb that means "guests are a blessing." That’s not always true, of course. Sometimes guests can be a boring inconvenience or a messy burden. But for you in the coming weeks, Aries, I’m guessing the proverb will be 98 percent correct. The souls who come calling are likely to bestow unusually fine benefits. They may provide useful clues or missing links you’ve been searching for. They might inspire you to see things about yourself that you really need to know, and they might even give you shiny new playthings. Open your mind and heart to the unexpected blessings.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "I feel my fate in what I cannot fear," said Theodore Roethke in his poem "The Waking." I invite you to try out that perspective, Taurus. In other words, learn more about your destiny by doing what makes you feel brave. Head in the direction of adventures that clear your mind of its clutter and mobilize your gutsy brilliance. Put your trust in dreams that inspire you to sweep aside distracting worries. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’s the First Annual Blemish Appreciation Week—for Geminis only. One of the best ways to observe this holiday is to not just tolerate the flaws and foibles of other people, but to also understand them and forgive them. Another excellent way to celebrate is to do the same for your own flaws and foibles: Applaud them for the interesting trouble they’ve caused and the rousing lessons they’ve taught. I may be joking a little about this, but I’m mostly serious. Be creative and uninhibited as you have fun with the human imperfections that normally drive you crazy.CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I turn my psychic vision in your direction, I see scenes of heavy rain and rising water, maybe even a flood. I’m pretty sure this has a metaphorical rather than literal significance. It probably means you will be inundated with more feelings than you’ve experienced in a while. Not bad or out-of-control feelings; just deep and enigmatic and brimming with nuance. How to respond? First, announce to the universe that you will be glad and grateful to accept this deluge. Second, go with the flow, not against it. Third, promise yourself not to come to premature conclusions about the meaning of these feelings; let them evolve.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "I want to know more about you" may be the most potent sentence you can utter in the coming week. If spoken with sincere curiosity, it will awaken dormant synergies. It will disarm people who might otherwise become adversaries. It will make you smarter and work as a magic spell that gives you access to useful information you wouldn’t be able to crack open with any other method. To begin the process of imbuing your subconscious mind with its incantatory power, say "I want to know more about you" aloud ten times right now.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My hotel was nice but the neighborhood where it was located seemed sketchy. As I returned to my room after a jaunt to the convenience store, I received inquiries from two colorfully-dressed hookers whose sales pitches were enticingly lyrical. I also passed a lively man who proposed that I purchase some of his top-grade meth, crack, or heroin. I thanked them all for their thoughtful invitations but said I wasn’t in the mood. Then I slipped back into my hotel room to dine on my strawberry smoothie and blueberry muffin as I watched HBO. My experience could have something in common with your immediate future, Virgo. I suspect you may be tempted with offers that seem exotic and adventurous but are not really that good for you. Stick to the healthy basics, please.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A West Coast DJ named Shakti Bliss wrote a remarkable status update on her Facebook page. Here’s an edited excerpt: "In the past 24 hours, I did yoga in a bathtub, hauled furniture by myself in the rain, got expert dating advice from an 11-year-old, learned the lindy hop, saw a rainbow over the ocean, had thrift store clothes stolen out of my car by a homeless man, made a magic protection amulet out of a piece of cardboard, was fed quinoa soup by the buffest 50-year-old South African woman I’ve ever met, bowed to a room full of applause, and watched two of my favorite men slow dance together to Josephine Baker singing in French." I suspect that you Libras will be having days like that in the coming week: packed with poetic adventures. Are you ready to handle more than the usual amount of stimulation and excitement?SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Thomas Jefferson, third President of the United States, called himself a Christian. But he also acknowledged that there weren’t any other Christians like him. He said he belonged to a sect consisting of one person—himself. While he admired the teachings of Jesus Christ, he had no use for the supernatural aspects of the stories told in the New Testament. So he created his own version of the Bible, using only those parts he agreed with. Now would be an excellent time for you to be inspired by Jefferson’s approach, Scorpio. Is there a set of ideas that appeals to you in some ways but not in others? Tailor it to your own special needs. Make it your own. Become a sect of one.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day," said writer Elbert Hubbard. "Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." Judging from my personal experience, I’d say that five minutes is a lowball figure. My own daily rate is rarely less than half an hour. But the good news as far as you’re concerned, Sagittarius, is that in the coming weeks you might have many days when you’re not a damn fool for even five seconds. In fact, you may break your all-time records for levels of wild, pure wisdom. Make constructive use of your enhanced intelligence!CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Most humans have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted," said Aldous Huxley. If that’s true, Capricorn, it’s important that you NOT act like a normal human in the next few weeks. Taking things for granted would be a laziness you can’t afford to indulge. In fact, I think you should renew your passion for and commitment to all your familiar pleasures and fundamental supports. Are you fully aware of the everyday miracles that allow you to thrive? Express your appreciation for the sources that nourish you so reliably. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Poet Jacob Nibengenesabe was a member of the Swampy Cree, a First Nation tribe in Canada. He wrote shamanic poems from the point of view of a magical trickster who could change himself into various creatures. In one poem, the shapeshifter talked about how important it is to be definite about what he wanted. "There was a storm once," he said. "That’s when I wished myself/to be a turtle/but I meant on land!/The one that carries a hard tent/on his back./I didn’t want to be floating!" By the end of the poem, the shapeshifter concluded, "I’ve got to wish things exactly!/That’s the way it is/from now on." I hope that will be the way it is from now on for you, too, Aquarius. Visualize your desires in intricate, exact detail. For example, if you want to be a bird for a while, specify what kind.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): As you sleep, you have at least a thousand dreams every year. But if you’re typical, you may recall only a few of them. Doesn’t that bother you? To be so ignorant of the stories your subconscious mind works so hard to craft? To be out of touch with what the Iroquois call "the secret wishes of your soul"? Now is an excellent time to develop a stronger relationship with your dreams, Pisces. It’s high time to explore the deeper strata of your life’s big mysteries.