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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Space Needle is a tourist attraction in Seattle. It’s taller than the Washington Monument but shorter than the Eiffel Tower. Near the top of the structure is a circular restaurant that rotates slowly, making one complete turn every 47 minutes. The motor that moves this 125-ton mass is small: only 1.5 horsepower. In the coming days, Aries, I foresee you having a metaphorically similar ability. You will be able to wield a great deal of force with a seemingly small and compact "engine." TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "How many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free?" asked Bob Dylan in one of his most famous songs, written in 1962. "The answer is blowin’ in the wind," he concluded. Many people hailed the tune as a civil rights anthem. Thirteen years later, a hippie cowboy named Jerry Jeff Walker released "Pissing in the Wind," a rowdy song that included the line, "The answer is pissing in the wind." It was decidedly less serious than the tune it paid homage to, with Walker suggesting that certain events in his life resembled the act described in the title. "Makin’ the same mistakes, we swore we’d never make again," he crooned. All of this is my way of letting you know, Taurus, that you’re at a fork. In one direction is a profound, even noble, "blowin’ in the wind" experience. In the other, it would be like "pissing in the wind." Which do you prefer? It’s up to you. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Italian artist Duccio di Buoninsegna painted his Madonna and Child sometime around the year 1300. It’s a compact piece of art — just eleven inches high and eight inches wide. Nevertheless, New York’s Metropolitan Museum paid $45 million for the pleasure of owning it. I propose that we choose this diminutive treasure as your lucky symbol for the next eight to ten months, Gemini. May it inspire you as you work hard to create a small thing of great value. CANCER (June 21-July 22): When the comic book hero Superman first appeared on the scene in 1938, he had the power to jump over tall buildings, but he couldn’t fly. By 1941, he was hovering in mid-air, and sometimes moving around while floating. Eventually, he attained the ability to soar long distances, even between stars. Your own destiny may have parallels to Superman’s in the coming months, Cancerian. It’s possible you will graduate, metaphorically speaking, from taking big leaps to hovering in mid-air. And if you work your butt off to increase your skill, you might progress to the next level—the equivalent of full-out flight — by March 2014. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "It’s never too late to become what you might have been," said novelist George Eliot. I’d like you to keep that thought in mind throughout the rest of 2013 and beyond, Leo. I trust you will allow its sly encouragement to work its way down into your darkest depths, where it will revive your discouraged hopes and wake up your sleeping powers. Here are the potential facts as I see them: In the next ten months, you will be in prime time to reclaim the momentum you lost once upon a time … to dive back into a beloved project you gave up on … and maybe even resuscitate a dream that made your eyes shine when you were younger and more innocent. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When I first arrived in Santa Cruz some years back, I helped start a New Wave-punk band called Mystery Spot. Our first drummer was a guy named Lucky Lehrer. After a few months, our manager decided Lucky wasn’t good enough and kicked him out of the band. Lucky took it hard, but didn’t give up. He joined the seminal punk band the Circle Jerks, and went on to have a long and successful career. Flipside magazine even named him the best punk drummer of all time. I suspect, Virgo, that in the next ten to twelve months you will have a chance to achieve the beginning of some Lucky Lehrer-type redemption. In what area of your life would you like to experience it? LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): According to my reading of the astrological omens, the next 12 months will be a time when you will have more power than usual to turn your dreams into realities. You’ll have extra skill at translating your ideals into practical action. To help make sure you capitalize on this potential, I suggest you adopt this Latin phrase as your motto: a posse ad esse. It means "from being possible to being actual." So why not simply make your motto "from being possible to being actual"? Why bother with the Latin version? Because I think your motto should be exotic and mysterious — a kind of magical incantation. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 2010, two economics professors from Harvard wrote a paper that became a crucial piece of evidence for the global austerity movement. Politicians used it to justify their assertion that the best way to cure our long-running financial ills is for governments to spend less money. Oddly, no one actually studied the paper to see if it was based on accurate data until April 2013. Then Thomas Herndon, a 28-year-old Ph.D. student at the University of Massachusetts, dived in and discovered fundamental mistakes that largely discredited the professors’ conclusions. I believe you have a similar mojo going for you, Scorpio. Through clear thinking and honest inquiry, you have the power to get at truths everyone else has missed. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Breakthrough will probably not arrive wrapped in sweetness and a warm glow, nor is it likely to be catalyzed by a handsome prince or pretty princess. No, Sagittarius. When the breakthrough barges into your life, it may be a bit dingy and dank, and it may be triggered by questionable decisions or weird karma. So in other words, the breakthrough may have resemblances to a breakdown, at least in the beginning. This would actually be a good omen—a sign that your deliverance is nothing like you imagined it would be, and probably much more interesting. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In a wheat field, a rose is a weed — even if that rose is voluptuous and vibrant. I want you to promise me that you will work hard to avoid a fate like that in the coming months, Capricorn. Everything depends on you being in the right place at the right time. It’s your sacred duty to identify the contexts in which you can thrive and then put yourself in those contexts. Please note: The ambiance that’s most likely to bring out the best in you is not necessarily located in a high-status situation where everyone’s ambition is amped to the max. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Is your soul feeling parched? In your inner world, are you experiencing the equivalent of a drought? If so, maybe you will consider performing a magic ritual that could help get you on track for a cure. Try this: Go outside when it’s raining or misting. If your area is going through a dry spell, find a waterfall or high-spouting fountain and put yourself in close proximity. Then stand with your legs apart and spread your arms upwards in a gesture of welcome. Turn your face toward the heavens, open up your mouth, and drink in the wetness for as long as it takes for your soul to be hydrated again. (In an emergency, frolicking under a sprinkler might also work.) PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Igor Stravinsky was a 20th-century composer who experimented with many styles of music, including the avant-garde work "The Rite of Spring." "My music is best understood by children and animals," he said. In my vision of your ideal life, Pisces, that will also be true about you in the coming week: You will be best understood by children and animals. Why? Because I think you will achieve your highest potential if you’re as wild and free as you dare. You will be fueled by spontaneity and innocence, and care little about what people think of you. Play a lot, Pisces! Be amazingly, blazingly uninhibited.