There are two ways to approach this last minute source of gifts. The first is with serious intentions of pleasing a Catholic-in-good-standing on your list. The second approach is with your tongue held firmly in the other cheek. The beauty of shopping at Holy Family is it just doesn’t matter whether you are a serious shopper or dripping with irreligious sarcasm; this store is a cornucopia of cool. I’m a fan of anything to do with St. Christopher. Pick up a small dashboard statue of the patron saint of drivers ($7.95), a St. Christopher visor clip ($5.95) or a St. Christopher prayer card (50-75 cents) for the loved one whose driving you’re most worried about. Another visor clip instructs drivers “not to drive faster than their guardian angel can fly.” My girlfriend points out that angels are probably pretty damn fast. Been wondering where those “pray for the unborn” fetus-shaped rosary decals come from? They’re made by CatholiCar, which specializes in “vehicle decals for Roamin’ Catholics” ($8.95). A copy of the kids’ book A Special Place for Santa ($10.95) makes a perfect gift for both the atheist intellectual and the Rod and Todd Flanderses in your life and will explain why you sometimes see Santa Claus in your neighbors’ nativity scenes. Scarface and 2pac shirts are so last year. Instead pick up a rad “Xtreme Papa” Pope John Paul II t-shirt with a picture of his eminence rocking a beret and mad-dog shades ($16.95-$18.95).
Keller's Farm Stores
Awarded “Best Butcher” in Alibi‘s 2013 Best of Burque Reader’s Poll, Keller’s Farm Stores has enough choice and prime meat to put a smile on the face of any dedicated carnivore you need to cross off your list. From their amazing freezer packages composed of various cuts of beef and other meats ($91.79-$410.49) to holiday hams smoked in-store (boneless $8.29 lb/bone-in $5.29 lb) or fresh hams you can smoke yourself ($3.19 lb), fresh, roasted or smoked turkeys ($2.69, $4.98, $5.58 per lb respectively) and even crocodile sausage ($21.91 lb), Keller’s will ensure your gifts are of the highest quality. They also offer gift baskets and gift certificates. And don’t forget about their imported cheese selection. Try a half-round of Stilton at $15.59 per lb. As the famous English green cheese ages, the flavors will change; this is truly a gift that keeps on giving. Family-owned and operated for more than half a century, Keller’s sincere and friendly customer service will make your holiday shopping experience pleasant and informed.
Kelly Liquors
Since you’re going to have to make a last-minute beer run anyway, why not multitask this errand by finishing off your holiday shopping at the same time? Stocking everything from Pabst 30-packs ($18.99) to Hacienda de Chihuaha Silver Sotol ($25.99) and Chamucos Reposado tequila ($52.99), it’s no wonder Kelly Liquors won Best Liquor Store in Alibi‘s 2013 Best of Burque readers poll. And with store locations popping up around town like mushrooms in the forest, this is a convenient way to kill two birds with one miniature bottle of Rumpleminz ($2.49). You still haven’t figured out what to buy Dad, so get him a bottle of Aberlour 12-year-old Highland single malt scotch ($58.99). Bring home a bottle of Duckhorn Sauvignon Blanc ($28.99) for the dinner table, or just pick some good or weird booze, and figure out who gets what when you arrive back home. Reward yourself for crossing everyone off your list by dipping into the Laphroaig 10-year-old Islay single malt ($49.99) you gifted yourself.
