The Journal had asked if Tina was ever “charged” with drunk driving. But since the charges were dropped, Tina felt, in accordance with the American system of jurisprudence where you're innocent until proven guilty, that the answer was “no.” Nonetheless, the article was, even by the Journal's standards, particularly degrading, quoting Tina in a way that made her sound even dumber than Miss Michigan in “Roger and Me.” (I watched that recently and think it's Moore's best work. The money quote is when Miss Michigan declares “I'm pro employment.”)
Anyhow, Tina told me she had no comment and didn't want to talk to the Alibi anymore because, “you have an agenda.” Agenda? So I asked her: What's my agenda? She then sounded like Steve Buscemi from “Fargo” (“I'm not gonna debate you Jerry!”) insisting, politely, she had nothing more to say. I protested, respectfully, hoping that Tina could tell me what my agenda is. I mean, isn't that what we all want out of life? To know what our agenda is? It's like, you can wake up and say, gee what am I going to do all day? Or you can just consult your agenda, which would be so much easier. But what items are important enough to make it onto the agenda, versus the platitudinous tasks that pollute your day even when they aren't qualified to be part of your agenda? That's a real dilemma for a lot of people, I imagine. So I got to thinking. What is my agenda? Now I'm insatiably curious to know the answer. I'm thinking of consulting a Zen Master. It's become my mantra, my Zen word, the key to opening the doors of perception. Ah, agenda. I say it repeatedly every morning in a low humming voice hoping it will lead me along the path of ultimate consciousness. But so far, nothing has come of it. I am looking for an answer from a higher power—anyone—even you reading this posting right now. (By the way, you—whoever you are—what's your agenda? You don't have one? You better get one!)
Then the good news came like sunbeams from heaven. Tina is back in the City Council race. That means the public and the press will begin badgering her once again, wanting to know more about her … agenda!
