Dateline: Germany—Police in the western city of Bochum have arrested a 31-year-old man they caught vandalizing two cars by scratching large, penis-shaped gouges into them. A police spokesperson last Friday confirmed that the man is suspected of vandalizing some 330 other vehicles in the region over the last few months. “Nearly all of them had this special motif,” the police spokesperson said. “He said he did it because he was mentally disturbed. I don't know if that was just a pretext. The penis damage is estimated at nearly $500,000. The suspect is now undergoing psychiatric evaluation.
Dateline: Argentina–Three robbers in the town of Rosario managed to steal 20 tons of fertilizer from Petrobras Energy, but it was their other score–a tiny mobile phone–that ended up getting them arrested. After the robbery, the trio of criminals used the stolen cell phone to take pictures of one another. Unfortunately for the robbers, the mobile phone was hooked up to a personal webpage and set up to download every single snap. “Little did they know that all their pictures were being instantly sent to a webpage,” a police spokesperson said. “They took so many, it was very easy to identify them. It was the easiest arrest ever.”
Dateline: Florida—God is one weird dude. A mother is behind bars after St. Petersburg police say she and her five children were found wandering naked in the street carrying Bibles. Police arrested the woman and charged her with child abuse and indecent exposure. Police say that the woman's children, who range in age from 5 to 15 years, will be turned over to relatives. According to the police report, the woman claimed that God told her that she and her children should walk down the street naked.
Dateline: Iowa—The thief only had one good leg, but that didn't stop him from walking off with the other one. Police in Des Moines say that a customer at Spectrum Prosthetics and Orthotics strapped on a $17,000 artificial leg and walked out the door without paying for it. Sgt. David Murillo told the Des Moines Register that the man came into the business on Aug. 19 to be fitted for the specially designed leg. “We'd been working with him for about a week,” Todd Schwiezer, one of the owners of the company, told the newspaper. “We were trying to meet his needs.” When the custom limb finally came in, the customer “was allowed to take it for a couple hours to ensure that the fit was proper,” a police report noted. Unfortunately, the man never returned after his test drive. The company waited five whole days before reporting the theft, hoping that the man would return. A telephone number and an address left by the man have turned up no leads.
Dateline: Georgia—Michael Lyons, 45, was hosting a party for his teenage daughter when he came up with a hilarious joke. While getting money at a bank in Savannah, Lyons told one of the 13-year-old girls he was with to hand a note to a bank teller. She did. According to a police report, the note read, “Give me all of your money, this is a stick up.” The teller–who, clearly, did not get the “joke”–sounded the bank's alarm. Police and FBI agents surrounded the building, netting Lyons and the girls. Lyons was charged with criminal attempt of robbery by intimidation, Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police spokesperson Bucky Burnsed told reporters. “You can't yell ’fire' in a crowded theater, can't joke about a bomb in your luggage at the airport, and you can't write notes to cashiers that say, ’This is a stick up,'” Burnsed said.
Dateline: New Hampshire—In other joke-related news, employees at a Wal-Mart in Conway called authorities to report that a young man wearing an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs was trying to purchase a hacksaw from the store. It turns out the 18-year-old hadn't escaped from anywhere. He told police it was just a prank. Police–who clearly didn't get the “joke”–arrested the man for disorderly conduct.
Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. E-mail your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
