A Pill For Your Alcoholism

Like “A Penny For Your Thoughts” But Way Better

Marisa Demarco
2 min read
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A single pill called varenicline (a.k.a. Champix or Chantix) might help people fight all addictions, like drinking, gambling, smoking, whoring …

As an aside, who names drugs and why are all the names of drugs so hard to remember/spell/say? You’d think since they’ve been so heavily productized, some ad department would dreamt up something snappier. Maybe people just think if it’s got a weird suffix on it, it’s more official.

Varenicline was originally designed to help people quit smoking by blocking the part of your brain that feels good because you smoke. That’s my rudimentary understanding of it. The official language is “blocking a subtype of the receptor that nicotine stimulates.”

Early tests are show the drug could help fight alcoholism and maybe other stuff down the road.

Side effects include nausea (of course) headache (of course) vomiting (ugh) flatulence (whoa) insomnia (bummer) abnormal dreams (wait … this shit messes with my
dreams ?) and dysgeusia, an alteration in taste. (You, like JCC, could begin enjoying the sultry rock of one Bryan Adams).

Fighting your addictions with a new magic pill can’t spark an irony lost on everybody.
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