Laura Marrich
2 min read
“Race you to the taco bar.”
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Dateline: Albuquerque—Air Force One touched down at the Albuquerque Sunport shortly before noon today. At the time of penetration, the presidential plane was reportedly ablaze with a patriotic fireworks display and blaring "Three Cheers for the Red, White and Blue" out of custom exterior Boss speakers (the plating of which had the "unmistakable" glint of some kind of precious material, one possible only available on an outlying planet, possibly "Jupiter or one of its moons"). Air Force One, also towing what appeared to be a "diamond-encrusted speed boat," was (according to the press release) piloted by President George W. Bush himself, which he had renamed "Macho-Airo El Numero Uno" just for the trip to Albuquerque. Moments before touching down, it’s reported that the President spotted two Islamo-fascist jets armed with nuclear weapons “hiding in the horizon," with whom he proceeded to engage in a dogfight, chasing the enemies of democracy in a "twisty-turvy" manner through such important American landmarks as the Grand Canyon and the Golden Gate Bridge.

After blowing the terrorist agents up in an explosion observable from space, Bush steered Air Force One back to the Sunport and issued a final "victory" fly-by that broke the sound barrier. Upon landing, he enjoyed a traditional New Mexican lunch at Garduño’s, which he paid for with special presidential money. He then boarded another, identical Macho-Airo El Numero Uno and departed for Phoenix.
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