...And I Am A Material Phone

\ Aug 14, 2008

2 min read

America, congratulations. You never cease to amaze me when it comes to all things inane, materialistic and…well…stupid. The ever so popular iPhone by Apple now has a brand new application, simply entitled “ I Am Rich,” that costs each user a hefty ‘penny’ of $1,000. What does this application do, you ask? Does it carefully travel down your pant leg and encase your genitalia in 24 karat gold? Nope. Does it walk outside to your driveway and turn your beaten-down, screechy-tire, headache-causing Oldsmobile into a Lamborghini? Guess again. If, for some crazy unknown reason you guessed absolutely nothing, you’d be correct.

What this application does is install a multi-faceted ruby on to your phone that I’m sure sparkles in all its high definition glory. And that’s it. Signaling to the rest of the world that instead of doing these really ridiculous, petty things like helping those in need, you have so much money you’d gladly drop a grand for a pixilated ruby. Okay, so maybe the designer was a bit off his rocker and thought he’d create a stir? No, people have been purchasing this program. At least eight since its release.

When I finally purchase my candy apple red Ferrari, I’ll be sure to purchase an exact likeness to place on the desktop of my computer as its wallpaper. That way, if I must retreat into my Malibu mansion to use my computer, I’ll never be too far from my baby. Even if I have to drop another $250, 000 for the wallpaper, who cares? I’m rich! It’s not like I can’t afford it…