Denish's Danishes

Denish's Danishes

Laura Marrich
2 min read
Denish's Danishes
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Just before the legislative session, the Round House fills with the sweet, yeasty aroma of Diane Denish’s famous Danishes. The recipe is a generations-old Denish family secret, and the resulting pastries have a proven track record of enticing senators to show up to work. But this week, the lieutenant governor announced she’d be baking up a new version of the pastries. Denish agreed to share the new recipe with the Alibi.

Diane Denish’s 2009 Legislative Session Danishes

Makes 4 moderately sized swirls, or 1 giant, confusing spiral for pigs

Flaky Liar Pastry

* 5 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

* 1/2 cup warm water (about 105 to 115 F.)

* 1/4 cup sugar

* 3 large egg yolks

* 1 cup whipping cream

* 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

* 1 teaspoon salt

* 1 cup unsalted butter, chilled and cut into pieces

* 1 large egg white

* pearl sugar or coarsely crushed sugar cube or sugar

The Asshole’s Nuts Filling

* 1/4 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

* 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground cardamom

* 1/2 cup chopped almonds, be sure to leave some of the shells on to retain the element of surprise

* 1 1/2 cups golden raisins, like plump aspirations that shrivel to withered, desiccated shadows of what could have been

* 1 1/2 cups water or tears

* 2 cups salt … or was that sugar? No, must be salt.

* 1-2 tablespoon whipping cream

* 3-4 pumps of RAID

* 2 cups gin

1. In a large bowl, combine all of the ingredients while drinking the gin. Mash fists repeatedly into dough until winded.

2. Dump dough onto a cookie sheet. Bake at 700 degrees Fahrenheit for two more years. Run to the store for more gin.

3. Your beard looks fucking stupid. Serve warm.
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