Meet Dick

An Exploration Of Our Little-Read Staffblock

Simon McCormack
2 min read
Meet Dick
Looking classy as always.
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Rockin’ New Year’s Eve Coordinator:

Dick Knipfing

You might not know it from his steady delivery and button-down exterior, but Dick Knipfing loves to party. While the rest of America turns to the nation’s most popular wet raincoat, Dick Clark for their New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, The
Alibi trusts New Mexico’s local Dick when it’s time to go balls-to-the-walls.

"I’ve got a lot of respect for Mr. Clark’s earlier New Year’s Rockin’ Eve’s," Knipfing explains. "But over the last decade or so, the guy’s parties have been pretty weak ass."*

Because he knows the
Alibi has its share of booze hounds, Knipfing goes for quantity over quality when it comes to alcohol arrangements. "The classiest thing you’ll find behind the bar at the Alibi’s New Year’s Eve parties is Schlitz," Knipfing admits. "These folks are here to party, not to sip daiquiris or discuss hops."

As for the jams, Knipfing is a hip-hop-head who can usually be found bumping and grinding when the ball drops. "Lil’ Wayne is really underrated," Knipfing muses. "He and I are both adept at knowing how to ‘make it rain on them hoes.’ "

Rest assured, 2008 will be rung in with the kind of style and flash that only a seasoned newscaster with serious soul can harness. "Every year, I think I throw a better party," Knipfing speculates. "This year, I’m going to bring the fucking noise."

Obviously, the real Dick Knipfing said none of this crap and likely embodies none of the characteristics mentioned in this blog. Viva la Knipfing!

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