Newsflash: Everything Has Sucked Up To This Point

Jerry Cornelius
2 min read
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Those who care have already been following the Apple Computer PR fest known as Macworld 2006. The big announcements? Apple sold a lot–no, dude, a lot–of iPods in Q4 2005. Yawn. What else? Oh yeah, all Macs are now PCs! Well, all the new Macs anyhow. The Intel chip Macs are available to purchase and, per Steve Jobs, will be a gazillion times faster, smarter and better-looking than the IBM chip Macs all the iSaps around the world have been using for the past decade or so.

So what is implied, I think, is that despite earlier reports to the contrary, everything has sucked for Mac users up to this point. And, by extension, everything in the future will always have been sucking. Therefore, everything, including these superfast new Macs, already sucks as it is pretty much a given that new technology will arrive to eclipse the old, revealing the suckiness that, ipso facto, pre-existed the condition that revealed it.

PC users may stop chuckling now, as this cycle of “has sucked-will suck-will have been sucking” affects all tech at all levels. How many times can you slap a paint job on Microsoft Office? How many times can you rerelease iTunes in a three-month period? How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? No, dude, a lot.

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