Red Dragon Invades Downtown

Monster Possibly About To Make A Trip To Knockouts

Summer Olsson
1 min read
Red Dragon Invades Downtown
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I love this weird city. A crowd of shrieking and pointing passersby attracted me to the front entrance of Knockouts on my way back from lunch this afternoon. It was not a dancer doing something outrageous. It was the biggest four-legged reptile I’ve ever encountered outside of a zoo. It was rough and reddish, with a long white band on its tail and enormous jowls. Unlike the speedy Godzilla, or a Komodo dragon, it was crawling along like cold honey. And it was moving steadily towards the Knockouts door. His owner stood calmly minding him, answering questions from rubberneckers like me.

Me: “Holy shit!”

Owner: “ … “

Me: “What is that?”

“Red tegu.”

Me: “Where’s it from?”

Owner: “Argentina.”

Me: “Oh my god, what does it eat?”

Owner: “Meat. He’s a carnivore.”

Me: “Holy shit!”

The nice man explained, however, that he has this particular red tegu on a diet of wet dog food. Still, I wouldn’t try to pet it, as they are known for eating anything that can fit between their jaws.

Red Tegu

Tuesday, 1:45 p.m. to until it crawls away, which could be awhile

Central Avenue, in front of the strip club

Red Dragon Invades Downtown

Just takin my lizard to the strip club.

Red Dragon Invades Downtown

But it’s big!

Red Dragon Invades Downtown

Is that a goiter?

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