When I first met the The Associated Press Stylebook oh so many years ago, I found it smug, snobbish. I resented it the way I resent anyone who’s constantly correcting me. It’s a newsroom’s Holy Words Book, consulted by irreverent, suspicious journalists who rarely agree on anything. If the Stylebook didn’t exist, “left-hander” might appear hyphenated in some articles and unhyphenated in others. The chaos!Year after year, The Book’s organization (overseen by a crackerjack team of coked-up virgos, I imagine) baffles. It makes a special sense once you’ve navigated it for a spell, but how user-friendly is that, really? Further, I ask you, should Stylebook be one word? I remain unconvinced that it doesn’t belong to the same Frankensteinian family as “appletini.”Maybe that’s why the Fake AP Stylebook Twitter feed tickles me so. Entries:Use “shall” in formal propositions. Ex: I shall rock you like a hurricane, Your Majesty.You don’t spell ‘whiskey,’ you savor it.Commas are probably the most misunderstood of all punctuation. They frequently dress in black, listen to sad music, and cut themselves.Female: "Hurricane Jenny", male: "Himacane Jeremy.”In a double entendre, write a figure of speech so it can be taken in two ways—from the front and from the rear."Babymaker" to describe sex organs. "Baby-maker" for an employee in a baby factory.We assure you, there is no way to denote sarcasm in text.
Rock You Like A Himacane
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