Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
I arrive home from work and pull into the driveway of our new, foothills bungalow. It is early evening. G sits on the front steps and looks straight up in the air. There is a black hang-glider circling directly above. A flock of ravens follows him closely. A white hang-glider followed by white birds joins him. They circle together high above us like a spinning yin-yang symbol. Suddenly, the white glider plummets to earth like a rocket and lands somewhere behind our house. I dash around back, worried that he may have landed on a neighbor’s roof and I won’t be able to find him. A little girl runs toward me from behind the neighbor houses yelling "call Lovelace!". I don’t have my keys with me so I decide to save some time by entering our house through a back window. I start to crawl through but find I first must move a bunch of little bottles and plants out of the way. "Fuck it", I say and crawl back out. I run around to the front door. Once inside, I begin to search frantically for the yellow pages. I search all the drawers in our antique white credenza, but find only place mats, candles and small toys. I recall that G told me where she had planned to put the new phone books but now I don’t remember. Finally, I locate them in a stack on the floor by the couch. I look up Lovelace and find the number for the emergency room. Above it I see the number for "Ambulance": 15000. With cordless phone in hand I start pushing buttons but soon realize the phone has buttons on both sides and I have been using the wrong side. Now I’ve forgotten the number and have to look it up again. I start to dial on the wrong side again but catch myself this time and flip it over. I call the number and a woman answers. Now flustered, I can’t remember our new house number or even our street name. I run outside to look at our house number: 64, 65, 134f, 3900. I ask the woman to hold while I run up the street to check the street sign on the first cross street. When I reach the sign, it reads "this sign has been removed due to vandalism". Below the sign is another carved into a log that says "Thistle and Spinner Bait Shoppe ->". It has a carved picture of Smokey the Bear in waders fishing in a stream. I hadn’t noticed it until now, but on the other side of our street a raging mountain stream has been flowing. I enter the crowded little bait shop, phone still in hand, and ask the first guy I see what street this is. "Cabo ______", he says. He is standing next to the curly-haired guy who played the crazed sailor who heard ghosts tapping in a sunken submarine in an old Twilight Zone episode. It is now completely dark and the phone seems to have gone dead.