Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
I am in boot camp again. It is the first morning in the barracks. I have already slept through "road maps," and it is now time for "assembly." I expect to get in a lot of trouble. I quickly dress in my black slacks and light blue shirt, but forget my tie. This will compound my trouble. I take a seat at the back of the assembly room, but everyone turns his chair around so that I am now in the front row. The head sergeant walks on stage and begins praising my bright future. After the assembly, I sit outside with him in the sun on a high porch overlooking the mountains and the town’s main dirt road. He tells me about his vacation and the drinks he had – pink lady was his favorite. I ask if they’re made with grenadine. We are watching a convoy of fully loaded lumber trucks climb slowly up into the mountains. Military vehicles speed around them on the right, knocking their logs off. Together, we visit a small shrine built from pieces of the broken boards from other similar insults. The sergeant shows me a life-size plastic head filled with green Jell-O that he plans to present as a peace offering to the angry villagers.