Snack Attack No. 1

Coca Cola Blak

Jennifer Wohletz
2 min read
Give in to the BlaKness
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Those crazy kids at Coca-Cola have manufactured for us, the adoring public, yet another carbonated gem with their new Coca-Cola BlaK, a diabetic coma in a bottle that’s being marketed under the clever ad slogan “Coke Effervescence with Coffee Essence.”

Coke and coffee, huh? My initial reaction to this was “Wow! Internet dorks, Evercrack fiends and college students will get a new champagne.” As usual, I was correct. Apparently during finals these last few weeks, several friends of mine were mainlining the stuff, and I broached a bottle with genuine interest mixed with trepidation. After all, I am still old enough to remember some scary dive bombs that both Coke and Pepsi have launched on our intestines in previous attempts at being hip and trendy.

Remember Surge? Nine years ago I remember ingesting a bottle of this and shaking for about two hours. Or how about “Kona,” the coffee-based soft drink that never caught on, and was pulled off the market in 1996? So with this in mind, I drank.

I will admit that BlaK was not near as horrid as I thought it would be, but it was still a bubbly-molasses-bad espresso syrup that should only be used for dire emergencies. Neat little bottles, though.

I also heard through the grapevine that the Cokers are planning to market a new citrus soft drink called “Vault” to try and lure away Mountain Dew drinkers. Good luck guys, because as long as there are pot smokers, doin’ the Dew is a permanent thing.

Tune in next week for Snack Attack No. 2: “Bucket ‘O Fish.”
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