Snack Attack No. 14

Little Debbie Dessert Cakes

Jennifer Wohletz
2 min read
Little Debbie’s patented tubes of glucose
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You just aren’t a true American if you don’t like at least one kind of Little Debbie snack cake.

Cultural anthropologists would be smart to study people’s addiction to these cheap, sugar and fat-laden mini-treats. You can tell a lot about a person by the box in their cart. I, for example, like the banana twins, the coconut rolls and the fancy cakes. I tend to date a lot of guys who dig the donut sticks, and, hell, everybody loves the brownies.

So when I spy a new L.D. product in the aisle, it seems like my patriotic duty to investigate via mouth. Three of the freshest snacks on the market are: chocolate cakes with traditional white frosting, yellow cakes with chocolate buttercream frosting and spice cakes with cream cheese frosting. I tried them all.

The chocolate cakes were OK, but I wasn’t terribly impressed. They kinda tasted like Zingers by Dolly Madison. The yellow cakes were nice and rich. But, boy, those spice cakes were something! Spice cake in general is not big in the Southwest, and I felt homesick when I bit into these diminutive facsimiles (I’m used to having a big slice at every potluck and on every holiday table).

My only real gripe with Debbie’s latest masterpieces is that they look bigger in the pictures on the boxes and there are only six cakes per box, foiling my gluttony. The good thing is that these treats are so filled with poly-partially-hydrogenated-processed-blah-blah-blah that you could store them in an underground bunker for thirty years and they’d still taste just as delicious as when they rolled off the truck. And at about $1.60 per box, you can really afford to stock up on them, as opposed to something more boring like fresh fruit or vegetables.

I’ve heard rumors of even more new stuff form the mad scientists at Little Debbie like lemon rolls and snow puffs, so if you need a fix, web ‘em here. Tune in next week when I dazzle you with yet another snack food diatribe.
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