Snack Attack No. 8

Parmesan Crusted Fish Bites

Jennifer Wohletz
2 min read
An ocean of fried flavor!
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I love the drive-thru. Like most fat, lazy and self-indulgent Americans, I enjoy eating sugar and fat-laden goodies while in my jammie-jams, while never even having to trouble myself with getting out of the car. Couple this with aggressive ad campaigns and marketing strategies, and you have a damn good reason to go to Long John Silver’s and try the Parmesan Crusted Fish Bites.

I’d been exposed to the commercials for weeks. I’d been seeing those crisp golden nuggets in my sleep, and I couldn’t possibly go one more day without them. I rolled up at the LJS on Central, steeled myself for the inevitable 15-20 minute wait that accompanies any and every order (no matter how small, apparently) and ordered just the bites, no fries.

Approaching the window, my nostrils were assaulted with the cloying scent of fish grease. Thick and permeating, it made the 15 minute wait seem like days. I eventually received the tiny yellow box, and immediately dug in. Yarrrrr, matey!!! Them nuggets arrrrr good! They were piping hot, flaky on the inside and perfectly seasoned to necessitate no dipping sauce, just like the voice on TV said. All this goodness couldn’t be good for me, so I checked out the nutrition facts online when I got home.

So how bad are these cubes of seafood joy, anyway? Well, for a 99 gram serving (the snack box) there are 260 calories, 15 grams of fat, 610 mg. of sodium (holy parrot shit!) and 40 mg. of cholesterol. Wanna eat this stuff every day? Scare yourself out of it by checking out the nutritive value of their family meals. You might as well walk the plank.

Next week—Lunchables under my tongue microscope.
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