Adam Fox
2 min read
By Alien Loves Predator.
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Starbucks, coffee giant to the cosmos, is set to close 600 of its U.S. stores by the end of the month. Yes, you read that correctly. Close. Hell’s scorching flames are still intact and pigs are still eating out of their land-troughs, so what gives?! Starbucks, in an ode to an increasingly under-achieving economy, is deciding to close a good sum of its most under-achieving stores nationwide.

Have Americans gotten smarter and, dare I say, spendthrifty? In a culture that promotes gluttony and individualism, Starbucks being its caffeine-laden poster child, the cost of your usual Triple Venti Nonfat Extra-Hot White Mocha will only buy you a single gallon of gas. In an age where SUVs are vanishing off the roads and Ford was stopped dead in its tracks on perhaps creating a magna-sized Ford Explosion, this coffee company may be a sign of things to come.

It seems economic hardship has created what many Americans have dreaded like the plague; reality. There may finally be a bright color-coded distinction between what we need and what we want. The only logical question remaining is, whats next?! In a time where just mentioning the green-and-white mermaid complete with flowing locks would arise humor and satire in almost any social situation, the joke may be in the form of a wake up call many people don’t want to hear. Of course, 600 stores out of 7200+ is not a huge dent, but one that will create a ripple effect turning into a massive wave that will suck the coffee-culture yuppies in with the undertow.
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