The Intern: Volume Iii

The Second Coming In Phone Form

Thomas Gilchrist
3 min read
Decisions, decisions ...
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I held the iPhone.

My hand is still shaking. No, seriously,
shaking . Like when you are in love with a girl and you really want things to go over well but you have to meet her parents and her dad says, “We’ve heard all about you, son.” Shaking . Like how Indiana Jones must have felt when he grabbed that golden head thing in Raiders of the Lost Ark , knowing full well he’d better run like hell, or else he was going to get crushed by a massive replica of Fred Flintstone’s prehistoric bowling ball. Shaking . I was in the presence of an electronic deity.

The evening began innocently enough–me and a couple friends had stopped by ABQ Uptown to go coffee shopping on our way to see
Waitress . Then, across the parking lot I saw what I thought was the most beautiful full moon I had ever seen but turned out only to be that glowing beacon of freedom from PCs: the Apple Store insignia. I subconsciously drifted closer to its majestic glow, and a yelp escaped me: “I’ve got to see it!”

“See what?” my friends asked.

“What do you mean, what ? The iPhone! Let’s go! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon!” I yelled, pulling them harrowingly across the parking lot and through the heavy glass doors.

Never in recent memory has anything caused such a stir as Apple’s new iPhone. I mean, there was the Beanie Babies fad, accented by McDonald’s even more popular version–the Teenie Beanies–but those were namby-pamby stuffed animals. What we’re talking about here is the God-device, the only product in the world that could take the public’s attention off of Paris Hilton’s current lack of incarceration.

But are we really prepared, as a culture, for such a dramatic altering of our daily routines? Think of all the clutter in your life. You have your cell phone. You have your PDA, maybe a portable GPS for your car and, of course, you have your iPod. What a hastle! Step into the 20th century, you old fogey, and combine them all into one easy-to-use device sent from Heaven.

It was 9:30 p.m., but there were still 10 or 15 people crowded around the display table of assorted iPhones. When one opened up, I jumped at my chance to hold the fledgling Messiah of Electronics, and all I can tell you is that it is as sweet and simple as it’s cracked up to be … and it’s so
small . Everything you could ever hope for, dream of or need all in one tiny machine that a toddler could master and that you can fit in your shirt pocket. All yours for either $500 or $600, depending on your hard drive’s size. And that is why I held an iPhone, and I did not, nor will I ever, as long as my cheap-ass Sanyo Sprint POS allows me to call my mother, buy an iPhone.
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