The Voice Of God

Military’s Talking Plasma Ball Fun For Entire Family

Nick Brown
2 min read
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First there was the gun that made you feel like you were on fire, then there was the gun that made you feel like you had to vomit, now add this to the US military’s arsenal of wacky weapons: a floating ball of fire that talks. Contrary to the military’s usual mission, the fire ball doesn’t actually hurt or kill anyone; it merely weirds them out with a freaky good time.

Does this thing really exist? My sources say yes. I talked to a Los Alamos scientist a couple weeks ago who claimed he had seen it demonstrated in the form of a burning bush. He seemed mildly amused by it, but dismissed it as having no real practical merit. He emailed me a few days later to clarify:

Because of absorption and scattering and depending on wavelength, lasers have a finite range in atmosphere–these cute tricks are fairly easy on the bench top but really tough beyond a few kilometers. The "burning bush" trick was done at just a few meters. There are already conventions to restrict combat use–you can shoot a guy’s ass off but you can’t blind him. There are nine orders of magnitude between a hard and a soft "kill".

I’ll have to research the nine orders of magnitude for killing in another blog.
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