Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
In these difficult times, whenever someone merely mentions the words “election results,” everyone else within hearing distance is reduced to crying in a corner in the fetal position. And with the rise of the Great Cheeto, we can’t blame them. But we’ve got to move forward, we’ve got to make election results great again. And Weekly Alibi has decided that some positive immersion therapy is just what the doctor ordered. So, we present to you, dear readers, the election results of our Best of Burque reader’s poll, featuring winners in fun categories like Best Local Athlete, Best Bike Trail, Best Local Poet, Best Skate Shop, Best Tattoo Artist, Best Cocktails and so much more! See, that wasn’t so bad. These are happy election results full of locals that you know and love. The Russians didn’t manipulate the winners, there were only beloved people and businesses to choose from, there was no mudslinging, voter fraud was eliminated, and the will of the people was given top priority. Very good—keep taking deep breaths. Now say it with us, “Election results can be great! Election results can be positive! Election results can lift up good people! I want to read Weekly Alibi‘s Best of Burque election results!” That’s the spirit. Read on.