chiroplanktor: noun – a person who adjusts a planker’s spinal alignment during a plank. (e.g., “Your arms aren’t straight in that photo. Where was your chiroplankter?”) formal planking: verb – planking during a formal event, specifically in formal attire and conspicuous locations. permaplank: verb – to die. (Hardcore plankers get buried face down.) plank/flank skank: noun – a person so addicted to planking/flanking that he or she is constantly planking/flanking and will plank/flank anything. plankoff/flankoff: noun – a situation where two plankers/flankers compete to create the most incredible plank/flank. plankophile: noun – a person who doesn’t plank, but watches others plank and enjoys looking at planking photos. plankout: verb – holding a plank position for such a long period of time that one falls asleep. (See also PWI .) planktographer: noun – a person who takes photos of people planking for later posting on the Internet. (Must be affiliated with the planker to qualify. See also plawker .) planktronica: noun – music with perfectly timed rhythm and an uplifting feeling to assist with a person’s planking. plankwich: noun – a horizontal pileup created by people planking on top of one or more plankers. plawker: noun – a person who stares at or takes pictures of plankers but is not affiliated with them. plunk: noun – a flunked plank. (See also replank, chiroplanktor .) PWI: noun – planking while intoxicated. replank: verb – to plank the same location again in order to correct a plunk or get a better photo. splank: verb – aka “ass planking.” To plank with your bare ass showing. (For this type of planking, Union suits with snap flaps are advisable.) steamplank: verb – to plank while wearing steampunk regalia. (Highly respectable steamplanking has been documented on the top of airborne dirigibles.)
Feature: Captain Edward England Merriweather’s Severely Abridged Planktionary
Alibi
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2 min read
Fig. 1 POTUS flank
Fig. 6 Thrilla in Manila flank
Fig. 2 Spring break flank
Fig. 7 Mustache flank
Fig. 3 King cobra flank
Fig. 9 Blue meth flank
Fig. 4 Moon flank
Fig. 8 Edward Hopper flank
Fig. 5 Scimitar flank
Fig. 11 Death metal flank
Fig. 10 Shark Week flank
