Feature: Captain Edward England Merriweather’s Severely Abridged Planktionary

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Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary
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chiroplanktor: noun – a person who adjusts a planker’s spinal alignment during a plank. (e.g., “Your arms aren’t straight in that photo. Where was your chiroplankter?”)

formal planking: verb – planking during a formal event, specifically in formal attire and conspicuous locations.

permaplank: verb – to die. (Hardcore plankers get buried face down.)

plank/flank skank: noun – a person so addicted to planking/flanking that he or she is constantly planking/flanking and will plank/flank anything.

plankoff/flankoff: noun – a situation where two plankers/flankers compete to create the most incredible plank/flank.

plankophile: noun – a person who doesn’t plank, but watches others plank and enjoys looking at planking photos.

plankout: verb – holding a plank position for such a long period of time that one falls asleep. (See also PWI .)

planktographer: noun – a person who takes photos of people planking for later posting on the Internet. (Must be affiliated with the planker to qualify. See also plawker .)

planktronica: noun – music with perfectly timed rhythm and an uplifting feeling to assist with a person’s planking.

plankwich: noun – a horizontal pileup created by people planking on top of one or more plankers.

plawker: noun – a person who stares at or takes pictures of plankers but is not affiliated with them.

plunk: noun – a flunked plank. (See also replank, chiroplanktor .)

PWI: noun – planking while intoxicated.

replank: verb – to plank the same location again in order to correct a plunk or get a better photo.

splank: verb – aka “ass planking.” To plank with your bare ass showing. (For this type of planking, Union suits with snap flaps are advisable.)

steamplank: verb – to plank while wearing steampunk regalia. (Highly respectable steamplanking has been documented on the top of airborne dirigibles.)

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 1 POTUS flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 6 Thrilla in Manila flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 2 Spring break flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 7 Mustache flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 3 King cobra flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 9 Blue meth flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 4 Moon flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 8 Edward Hopper flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 5 Scimitar flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 11 Death metal flank

Captain Edward England MerriweatherÕs Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 10 Shark Week flank

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