Guide To College Majors

Erin Adair-Hodges
2 min read
Guide to College Majors
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Sure, some majors are likely to land you more money than others, but have you really considered all the pros and cons? Read our guide carefully before you commit to a course of study.


Good For: Playing Balderdash; critically analyzing ramen instructions

Bad For: Dating attractive and interesting people who misuse apostrophes; changing oil


Good For: Creating incredible new investment opportunities such as derivatives

Bad For: Conscience-having; midwifery


Good For: Lego construction; building race of robot people

Bad For: Teaching robot people to love; dinner theater


Good For: Learning about learning; wearing holiday-themed clothes (pumpkin sweaters, shamrock ties, light-up snowman earrings)

Bad For: Being educated; misanthropy


Good For: Wearing pajamas to work; seeing some messed-up shit

Bad For: Not being covered in fluids; sitting down


Good For: Predicting the end of the universe; putting an end to your mom asking, “What did you learn in school today?”

Bad For: Watching “Star Trek: The Next Generation” with your non-astrophysicist friends ("Going through a wormhole at that velocity without sustaining a hull breach? I doubt it.")


Good For: (If a time machine to the ’70s is available) Investigating evil; speaking truth to power

Good For: (If a time machine is unavailable) Writing stories on the death of your own field; being comfortable with irony

Dental Hygiene

Good For: Free floss; rare opportunity to wear limited-edition Michael Jackson surgical mask

Bad For: Going through life without sticking your hands in a stranger’s mouth


Good For: Adding to your velvet hat and feather boa collection; sipping imaginary tea

Bad For: Nothing. No matter the situation, you can just act like you know what you’re doing


Good For: Collaborating with engineers on race of robot people; spreadsheets

Bad For: 01110010100, am I right?
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