Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
During this time of public unrest and political upheaval, it’s important to turn our attention to the youngest citizens of our great country. Our children now live in Donald Trump’s America, and having just watched the better woman lose, the confidence and pride of our daughters in particular are at risk. Playgrounds are abuzz with the echoed political opinions of parents both disgusted and overjoyed. Teachers from all sides of the argument will be printing illustrations of the president’s face, to be colored and thumbtacked to classroom walls. Stories centered on our president’s bigotry and disdain for women are spotlighted by the media, a trend which is likely to continue for the next four years. The world is a scary and confusing place right now, but here are a few ways in which you can prepare your daughters for what’s to come. Consider exposing your daughter to punk rock and other anti-authoritarian art. There are times when our authority figures should be respected and revered. There are other times when they must me called upon to answer for their behavior. Who better suited to teach this lesson than Reagan Youth or Black Flag? These American rock and roll bands teach us to challenge the narrative, rather than accept the abuse of our political superiors. With a guiding hand, songs like Black Flag’s “Rise Above” become anthems of self-love and civil disobedience, while Reagan Youth’s “I Hate Hate” perfectly illustrates the mentality of nonviolent dissenters like yourself. Add a Banksy book to your coffee table and have a meaningful conversation with your daughter over each image’s meaning and the needs of the oppressed. What she already knows might amaze you—it’s up to you to provide the appropriate context. While nonviolent resistance is the key to political change, now might not be a bad time to enroll your daughter in a martial arts class. There is little more empowering to a person than knowing that they can defend themselves in a desperate situation. Martial arts may not only impart your child with a newfound confidence in themselves and their physical ability, but also teach them the sort of discipline and grace which our commander in chief lacks. Self-empowerment is the perfect answer to a culture of fear, and knowing how to perform a judo-style hip toss goes a long way. With some hard work and commitment, your daughter will be confident and safe wherever she goes, cracking alt-right heads like walnuts when the going gets tough. In addition to cracking heads, it’s more important than ever to crack jokes. Now is the best time to familiarize your daughter with nihilistic humor. Our generation is uniquely equipped to handle tragedy through comedy, spinning unbelievable global horror into observational nihilistic tweets and memes. Embracing certain universal inevitabilities may help your daughter develop the thick skin required to exist in a nation which elected Donald Trump to its highest political office. Prepare your women of tomorrow with George Carlin specials and your favorite Coen brothers flicks. Encourage them to tweet at our humorless commander in chief with conviction, comedy, and without mercy.Most importantly, every day of Trump’s presidency (and beyond), remind your daughters that they are powerful human beings, worthy of respect. Remind them that American women are champions for change, and not sexual objects to be grabbed. Teach them that American women are capable and strong, not “nasty” and “neurotic.” Teach them that just because our president’s voice is the loudest, that does not mean that his attitudes reflect those of our country. The system was rigged against our daughters since before they were born. Now, that hopelessness is staring us in the face as Donald Trump compiles a cabinet of human horrors. Remind your daughters that they are brilliant and are not to be pushed out of the conversation on a man’s whim. Give your daughter a voice with which to call out hypocrisy, and use your power as a parent to change the world, one little mind at a time.