This Is Not A Haiku: Surreal

All Entries, Unedited

6 min read
This Is Not a Haiku: Surreal
Share ::

I know a secret

can turn anything into

haiku pad pad pad


Rules for dating

my daughter. Do it 2 her

and I do it 2 you.

I want to learn to play

this air guitar, but

where do you plug it in?

Her ideas and metaphors

strangely mixed, she throws glass

at stone houses.

I never thought I’d pay

for sex, but I have four kids.

I’ve paid for sex.

You ask me why I

call you an untied shoelace?

Because you’re tripping.

Frank Sinatra was

a terrible lover. Always

wanted it his way.

Fabio. If you

can’t believe it’s not butter

you’re an idiot.

The heart is a child-

climbing on those jungle gym

ribs, kicking his feet.

Men own big cars to compensate.

I own no car. Does that

turn you on?

She dances with her shadow.

It always leads but never

asks for more.

If your breath was sunshine,

your eyes daffodils, your touch

would still be winter.

–Zachary Kluckman


Alibi: to be

Someplace else when it happened

So they can’t blame you.


Obamacare: Like

Romneycare but from the Dems ––

Therefore it’s no good.


Let’s go shoot people,

like Breaking Bad on TV

and The Sopranos


Halloween is done.

So let’s give thanks to Mammon

and start Christmas now.


What’s an anagram

For Santa? Well, try “Satan.”

You naughty, or nice?


Not everybody

agrees with my opinion.

But you know they’re wrong,



transparent: that’s adobe

building government.


Ah, New Mexico:

a balloon full of hot air ––

a symbol, of course.


Contest! You write stuff.

We publish, but don’t pay you:

Brilliant business plan!


I am no witch yet

I have memorized a few

Lines from the future.

–Laura Weisberg

My favorite mash-up:

Salvador Dali Lama

melts clocks with kindness.

–Jordan Ganz

Time Warp Money Suck—

Out of luck feels so shitty

Spending time Sin City

–Joshua Halladay

Your breath is like an ashtray

Beaver in, beaver out.

Lake water ripples

Sunshine fades


Haiku, this is not

Said it best, Master Yoda

Try? Do? Try not, Do.

–Ray Nance

Something went wrong. That

Is as clear and as simple

As I can make it.

–Laura Weisberg

Pass me that joint, dude.

Oh, wait a minute – you mean

That this is *my* hand?

–Richard M. Fye

This is not even Haiku

Syllables are not

Set in the correct order

–Peter Cheney


Gas up the airplane

now for a road trip (not now)

zen not chem bot…bam!

–Denise Claeys

Chem Trails

These clouds are not clouds

but aluminum traces

infiltrating sky.

–Franchesca Montoya

Drifting slowly like

astronaut tears left in space

to weep through darkness.

–franchesca montoya

Peel back the ego, I.

Fall apart, a part of we,

melting into one.

–Franchesca Montoya

light gives way to it

thunder champs and chews it’s maw

glass explodes for it.

–Ian K

off stage but in scene

placating immunity

how is the water?

–Michael Montoya

The worst word ever,

especially from a child:


–Chris Chapin

We started floating

beautiful when we go through

gravity dead spots

–Chris Chapin

Fever is better

Pack your bike or pack your back

Free as Alibi

–Mark Nolan

a fly goes dancing

across the smoky barroom

diggin’ some t. monk

–todd eddy

my jazz bone itches

the doctor says to “scratch it”

using poetry

–todd eddy

what was I saying

frogs fly and birds are croaking

who slipped me the trip

–todd eddy

great drunken haiku

(at least i believe they are)

build swaying bridges

–todd eddy


Growing, glowing, bright, you.

Must you grow in my care?

Can’t you always sat here?


Dig the Japanese,

out harvesting grains of rice

for their own sake.

–Bruce Gordon

Eye gaze threw the sight. Eagar pupils see image.Soaking the iris.

–Elizabeth Bryant

The dead see you Walt

One hundred eighty seven

crystal blue meth dream

–Gabe Montoya

Brash blended float stalls

sulking puppets scoff and twirl

fat eyes clock and globe

–Josh Montoya

A surreal entry.

This is not a haiku:

count the syllables.

–Larry Elmore

My mother buys me

This damage repair shampoo

Why does she do that?

–Nina Bice

I hear a voice call,

it speaks of dark and sorrow.

Now I want pudding.

–Kolya Venturi

Today was Christmas.

My uncle bought me a bear!

It tried to eat me.

–Kolya Venturi

Where the hell am I?

I am stuck in a time loop.

Where the hell am I?

–Kolya Venturi

Two tumbling toes,

That tell the trembling tale,

Of the thumping toes.

–Alberto Zarate

Full moon yellow haze

seeps through naked willow limbs

shrouded in shadows.

–Ben John

What have we to do but wait,

dreaming silly dreams

in this endless void?

–Ben John

down the rabbit hole

spiral spinning sparkle stop

drip drop then drift off

–Chris Patchett

Powder and oi’l.

<Paranoiac clairvoyance>

Lazers on foi’l.

–Kevin WetSpot

Strawberry fields are

the place where nothing is real

except glass onions

marbles in a stack,

drum kits made of egg shells crack;

porous vessels lack.

Have u t or me?

T for 2 + 2 for t,

me 4 u 4 me.

Some people have names,

Revilo P. Oliver,

that are palindromes.

I once hugged the Fonz

and smelled like his man perfume

hours thereafter

Damn, my house has bugs!

Does that mean you’ll get a room

at the Comfort Inn?

My first mammogram

with Loder Selenia,

the ol’ boob squisher

I’m on vacation

drinking beer in the shower,

wet-naked and buzzed.

The way I marched in

with my free panty coupon

made them roll their eyes.

–Jessica Mills

Journal headline reads:

"Metal bits self-assemble

Into lifelike girls."

–Kevin WetSpot

Feel for the ground.

Fart into a champagne flute.

Nurse a hobo’s jones.

–Kevin WetSpot

Not your bag of wax?

Stuff it into your glove and

Moonwalk to daycare.

–Kevin WetSpot

Not so hard to write:

Non-haiku lacks season word,

contrast, sudden smile.

–Ronald Reed

Monsters scream with

Anger, cry with delight

Live another day.


The room whispers tales

Shoes charm floors, knuckles ask doors

Earth, she turns in song

–jacob reinhardt

Skittlebum skerplat

Twist my nipples and feed me

Firemen are pink

–William Bolt

Carbon out in space

but diamonds are forever

I give you this ring

–Matthew Thompson

Aliens, from where?

Another dimension or

other galaxies?

–Jamal Molina

All Haiku Contest Winners

1 2 3 214