I know a secretcan turn anything intohaiku pad pad pad–anonymousRules for dating my daughter. Do it 2 her and I do it 2 you.I want to learn to play this air guitar, but where do you plug it in?Her ideas and metaphors strangely mixed, she throws glass at stone houses.I never thought I’d pay for sex, but I have four kids. I’ve paid for sex.You ask me why Icall you an untied shoelace?Because you’re tripping.Frank Sinatra wasa terrible lover. Alwayswanted it his way.Fabio. If you can’t believe it’s not butteryou’re an idiot. The heart is a child-climbing on those jungle gym ribs, kicking his feet.Men own big cars to compensate. I own no car. Does that turn you on?She dances with her shadow.It always leads but never asks for more.If your breath was sunshine,your eyes daffodils, your touchwould still be winter.–Zachary KluckmanDEFINITIONAlibi: to beSomeplace else when it happenedSo they can’t blame you.POLITICAL LOGICObamacare: LikeRomneycare but from the Dems –– Therefore it’s no good.MALLS AND SCHOOLSLet’s go shoot people,like Breaking Bad on TVand The SopranosTHANKSGIVINGHalloween is done.So let’s give thanks to Mammonand start Christmas now. HOLIDAY NOTEWhat’s an anagramFor Santa? Well, try “Satan.”You naughty, or nice?RADIO TALKERNot everybody agrees with my opinion.But you know they’re wrong, NEW MEXICOTraditionallytransparent: that’s adobebuilding government.ENCHANTMENTAh, New Mexico:a balloon full of hot air –– a symbol, of course.CONTESTContest! You write stuff.We publish, but don’t pay you:Brilliant business plan!–BillI am no witch yetI have memorized a fewLines from the future.–Laura WeisbergMy favorite mash-up:Salvador Dali Lamamelts clocks with kindness.–Jordan GanzTime Warp Money Suck—Out of luck feels so shittySpending time Sin City–Joshua HalladayYour breath is like an ashtrayBeaver in, beaver out.Lake water ripplesSunshine fades–TiaHaiku, this is notSaid it best, Master YodaTry? Do? Try not, Do.–Ray NanceSomething went wrong. ThatIs as clear and as simpleAs I can make it.–Laura WeisbergPass me that joint, dude.Oh, wait a minute – you meanThat this is *my* hand?–Richard M. FyeThis is not even HaikuSyllables are notSet in the correct order–Peter Cheney#58 Gas up the airplanenow for a road trip (not now)zen not chem bot…bam!–Denise ClaeysChem TrailsThese clouds are not cloudsbut aluminum tracesinfiltrating sky.–Franchesca MontoyaDrifting slowly like astronaut tears left in spaceto weep through darkness.–franchesca montoyaPeel back the ego, I.Fall apart, a part of we,melting into one.–Franchesca Montoyalight gives way to itthunder champs and chews it’s mawglass explodes for it.–Ian Koff stage but in sceneplacating immunity how is the water?–Michael MontoyaThe worst word ever,especially from a child:va-jiggle-jaggle–Chris ChapinWe started floatingbeautiful when we go throughgravity dead spots–Chris ChapinFever is betterPack your bike or pack your backFree as Alibi–Mark Nolana fly goes dancingacross the smoky barroomdiggin’ some t. monk–todd eddymy jazz bone itchesthe doctor says to “scratch it”using poetry–todd eddywhat was I sayingfrogs fly and birds are croakingwho slipped me the trip–todd eddygreat drunken haiku(at least i believe they are)build swaying bridges–todd eddySproutGrowing, glowing, bright, you.Must you grow in my care?Can’t you always sat here?–JessikaDig the Japanese,out harvesting grains of ricefor their own sake.–Bruce GordonEye gaze threw the sight. Eagar pupils see image.Soaking the iris.–Elizabeth BryantThe dead see you WaltOne hundred eighty sevencrystal blue meth dream–Gabe MontoyaBrash blended float stallssulking puppets scoff and twirlfat eyes clock and globe–Josh MontoyaA surreal entry.This is not a haiku:count the syllables.–Larry ElmoreMy mother buys meThis damage repair shampooWhy does she do that?–Nina BiceI hear a voice call,it speaks of dark and sorrow.Now I want pudding.–Kolya VenturiToday was Christmas.My uncle bought me a bear!It tried to eat me.–Kolya VenturiWhere the hell am I?I am stuck in a time loop.Where the hell am I?–Kolya VenturiTwo tumbling toes,That tell the trembling tale,Of the thumping toes.–Alberto ZarateFull moon yellow hazeseeps through naked willow limbsshrouded in shadows.–Ben JohnWhat have we to do but wait,dreaming silly dreamsin this endless void?–Ben Johndown the rabbit holespiral spinning sparkle stopdrip drop then drift off–Chris PatchettPowder and oi’l.<Paranoiac clairvoyance>Lazers on foi’l.–Kevin WetSpotStrawberry fields arethe place where nothing is realexcept glass onions marbles in a stack,drum kits made of egg shells crack;porous vessels lack.Have u t or me?T for 2 + 2 for t,me 4 u 4 me.Some people have names,Revilo P. Oliver,that are palindromes.I once hugged the Fonzand smelled like his man perfumehours thereafterDamn, my house has bugs!Does that mean you’ll get a roomat the Comfort Inn?My first mammogramwith Loder Selenia,the ol’ boob squisherI’m on vacationdrinking beer in the shower,wet-naked and buzzed.The way I marched inwith my free panty couponmade them roll their eyes.–Jessica MillsJournal headline reads:"Metal bits self-assembleInto lifelike girls."–Kevin WetSpotFeel for the ground.Fart into a champagne flute.Nurse a hobo’s jones.–Kevin WetSpotNot your bag of wax?Stuff it into your glove andMoonwalk to daycare.–Kevin WetSpotNot so hard to write:Non-haiku lacks season word,contrast, sudden smile.–Ronald ReedMonsters scream withAnger, cry with delightLive another day.–Austin The room whispers talesShoes charm floors, knuckles ask doorsEarth, she turns in song–jacob reinhardtSkittlebum skerplatTwist my nipples and feed meFiremen are pink–William BoltCarbon out in spacebut diamonds are foreverI give you this ring–Matthew ThompsonAliens, from where?Another dimension orother galaxies?–Jamal Molina
This Is Not A Haiku: Surreal
All Entries, Unedited
Alibi
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