What Kind Of Crazy Are You?

Mark Chavez
4 min read
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You’ve reached the point in your life where you’ve figured out you’re crazy. The problem is you don’t know how crazy, or for that matter, what kind of crazy you are. Finally, somebody has taken the time to help you figure yourself out. All you need to do is answer this multiple-choice quiz (and remember to be as honest as possible). Tally your answers and refer to the key below to determine what brand of crazy is right for you.

1) I have a large collection of …

a. Newspaper clippings in about 70 binders

b. Toenail clippings in about 70 jars

c. Sales leads

d. Thank-you notes, get-well-soon cards and some puffy paint. It’s good to be prepared.

2) I’m happiest when …

a. I’m washing my hands

b. I’m Tron

c. Things are going my way, which is most of the time

d. You’re happy

3) I get out of bed …

a. At 5:30 a.m. so I have time to burn my sheets and unwrap my new underwear for the day

b. Are you referring to that nest of old Bibles and sticks I made in the corner?

c. In time to catch a ride to work with my neighbor. Gas is expensive.

d. So I can greet the day and salute the sun … by doing salutations to the sun.

4) If I were a bird I would be …

a. A finch

b. A horse

c. A crow

d. An Australian masked owl. Wise, brave and coy. Wherefore do you wear that mask, oh winged friend? Be not afraid, grant me but a glimpse of thy true nature and I will be forever blessed.

5) If I ever get lost …

a. I pull out the GPS tracking device I’ve attached to my road atlas … which I always carry.

b. I scream “Help!” until somebody pulls me out of my sweater.

c. I immediately introduce myself to the locals; you know, make connections.

d. I must be staring deep into your eyes.

6) My favorite place to hang out is …

a. In an egg

b. Over there by the power lines

c. In line at Starbucks talking on my hands-free earpiece

d. Wherever there are friendly faces, some nice conversation and maybe my one vice: hot guitar lixx.

7) Hair is …

a. Easily picked up with a lint roller or just some simple packing tape

b. Delicious

c. Meant to be parted

d. Only one of the 10 things I love about myself

8) If somebody sneezes near me, I …

a. Immediately scrub my entire body with sandpaper and salt

b. Catch it in my sneeze jar, take it out to the woods and set it free to roam wild with all of its fellow sneezes

c. Hand him/her a tissue and make a mental note that he/she owes me a favor

d. Say, “Well, I know which of the Seven Dwarves you are! Better go find Doc.”


If you answered mostly A

Good news! You aren’t technically crazy; you simply suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. According to recent studies, 2.3 percent of the population between the ages of 18 and 54 suffer from OCD. Leave it to a statistic about OCD to have an age range that is so arbitrary.

If you answered mostly B …

You suffer from a serious form of dementia that is in all likelihood untreatable. The bright side is that if you had the wherewithal to take this quiz, you most likely don’t have an extreme case.

If you answered mostly C …

You’re crazy … like a fox! Being “crazy like a fox,” of course, doesn’t mean you’re mentally ill. Rather, you are cunning, or crafty. You get down to business and get things done. This is not to be confused with “hungry like the wolf,” which, of course, doesn’t refer to the need for food but means (at least according to the video by Duran Duran) “hat-wearing, sweaty and chasing a cat-woman in Sri Lanka,” which is of course, crazy.

If you answered mostly D …

Then you aren’t crazy, you’re cheesy. Stop being so cheesy!
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