You Got A Degree From Where?

Navigating Albuquerque's Institutes Of Higher Learning

Devin D. O'Leary
5 min read
You Got a Degree From Where?
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Albuquerque Barber College

601 San Pedro NE, #100, 266-4900

Upside: Get a certificate in less than two years. Peruse old men’s magazines while you wait.

Downside: Trade not as exciting since the disappearance of Kid ‘n Play-style box cuts

Albuquerque Grooming Academy

2115 San Mateo NE, 256-8388

Upside: Albuquerque Grooming Academy is the oldest pet grooming school in New Mexico licensed by the New Mexico Commission on Higher Education. And you get to work with puppies.

Downside: They don’t tell you about “expressing the anal gland” on Day 1.

Albuquerque Police Academy

5412 Second Street NW, 343-5000

Upside: Cool uniforms, serving your community, firearms make you feel like a big man

Downside: Getting shot at

Art Center Design College

5000 Marble NE, 254-7575

Upside: High percentage of female students. Doodling on textbooks encouraged.

Downside: Acquiring a bachelor’s degree so you can design high school graduation cards for Hallmark for the rest of your life seems somehow ironic.

Ayurvedic Institute

11311 Menaul NE, Suite A, 291-9698

Upside: Offers weekend and intensive seminars in Ayurveda, Panchakarma, Gurukula and Sanskrit

Downside: Um, what the hell is Ayurveda?

Bartending Academy

3724 Eubank NE, 292-4180

Upside: Your career at The Library Bar & Grill awaits.

Downside: They use colored water, not actual booze in the classroom. Sorry.

Brookline College

4201 Central NW, Suite J, 880-2877

Upside: Offers many online classes, which saves you from hanging out at the school’s “campus” in Atrisco Plaza

Downside: Health care, business and criminal justice are the only degrees to choose from. Just changed name from IIA College. There are no brooks in Albuquerque.

Casino Dealer School

5500 San Mateo NE, #103, 830-2696

Upside: David Rosenlund, Casino Dealer School founder, and his wife, Ok Kyong, personally oversee all the dealer training. You can get a certificate in craps!

Downside: If you don’t actually get hired at a casino, your career possibilities are somewhat limited.

Chafer Theological Seminary

3620 Wyoming NE, #226, 515-0221

Upside: Serving the Lord with a degree in Isagogics

Downside: Celibacy

Central New Mexico Community College

525 Buena Vista SE, 224-3000

Upside: Night school! An associate’s degree requires less commitment (in time and money) than degrees offered at UNM. The world always needs construction workers, pastry chefs, automotive mechanics and other trades.

Downside: A degree in two years? Better off waiting out the rotten job market at a four-year school. The “Suncat” is CNM’s new mascot. What the hell is a suncat, anyway?

DeWolff College of Hair Styling and Cosmetology

1500 Eubank NE, 296-4100

Upside: If you fail to secure your cosmetology degree, you can sing “Beauty School Dropout” from Grease with waaaay more feeling.

Downside: I hear those Vietnamese pedicurists will gut you with an emory board if you intrude on their turf.

ITT Technical Institute

5100 Masthead NE, 828-1114

Upside: Technology is our future.

Downside: It’s like Revenge of the Nerds all over again.

National American University

4775 Indian School NE, #200, 348-3700

Upside: Very flexible scheduling. Instructors have theoretically worked in the fields they teach.

Downside: The usual business / health care / criminal justice trifecta. They also make you sing that “One day, one night, Saturday’s all right” song all the damn time.

Pima Medical Institute

2201 San Pedro NE, Bldg. 3-100, 881-1234

Upside: Open enrollment and lots of degrees with the word “assistant” in the title. Student body skews mid- to late-20s.

Downside: If health care reform doesn’t pass, people will continue to use the emergency room as their primary care provider.

Rocky Mountain Truck Driving School

2705 Princeton NE, 888-5182

Upside: Big trucks mean big bucks (at least that’s what the website says). Degrees in four weeks. Trucking industry is less discriminating than the U.S. military.

Downside: Ashton Kutcher ruined trucker hats for all eternity. Peeing in a Big Gulp cup.

SEED Graduate Institute

3900 Juan Tabo NE, #5, 792-2900

Upside: Get your MA in “Original Thought” with concentrations in Indigenous Ways of Knowing, Global Ecology, Science and Cosmology, Integral Healing and Expressive Arts.

Downside: “Why, yes, Mr. Trump, I do have a degree in storytelling and am more than versed in the art of the talking circle. What’s my starting salary?”

Southwest Acupuncture College

7801 Academy NE, #1-104, 888-8868

Upside: A degree in Chinese Herbology? Beats assistant phlebotomist any day. Possibility of scoring some primo dried tiger penis.

Downside: Much of student body is over 40. Despite being an alternative, Asian medicine school, 88 percent of students are white.

Southwestern Indian Polytechnic

9169 Coors NW, 346-2347

Upside: Open enrollment, lower tuition, lots of dorm rooms

Downside: If you’re not Native American, you’re probably not getting in.

University of New Mexico

2211 Lomas NE, 272-3401

Upside: Highly regarded law school and med school. Wide variety of majors. Basketball team is good.

Downside: Campus is technically dry and now smoke-free. Parking sucks. Public art is questionable.
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