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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Just one species has a big enough throat to swallow a person whole: the sperm whale. If you happen to be sailing the high seas any time soon, I hope you will studiously avoid getting thrown overboard in the vicinity of one of these beasts. The odds are higher than usual that you’d end up in its belly, much like the Biblical character Jonah. (Although, like him, I bet you’d ultimately escape.) Furthermore, Aries, I hope you will be cautious not to get swallowed up by anything else. It’s true that the coming weeks will be a good time to go on a retreat, to flee from the grind and take a break from the usual frenzy. But the best way to do that is to consciously choose the right circumstances rather than leave it to chance.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have cosmic clearance to fantasize about participating in orgies where you’re loose and free and exuberant. It’s probably not a good idea to attend a literal orgy, however. For the foreseeable future, all the cleansing revelry and cathartic rapture you need can be obtained through the wild stories and outrageous scenes that unfold in your imagination. Giving yourself the gift of pretend immersions in fertile chaos could recharge your spiritual batteries in just the right ways.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "Hell is the suffering of being unable to love," wrote novelist J. D. Salinger. If that’s true, I’m pleased to announce that you can now ensure you’ll be free of hell for a very long time. The cosmic omens suggest that you have enormous power to expand your capacity for love. So get busy! Make it your intention to dissolve any unconscious blocks you might have about sharing your gifts and bestowing your blessings. Get rid of attitudes and behaviors that limit your generosity and compassion. Now is an excellent time to launch your "Perpetual Freedom from Hell" campaign!CANCER (June 21-July 22): "A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking," said journalist Earl Wilson. Do you fit that description, Cancerian? Probably. I suspect it’s high time to find a polite way to flee your responsibilities, avoid your duties, and hide from your burdens. For the foreseeable future, you have a mandate to ignore what fills you with boredom. You have the right to avoid any involvement that makes life too damn complicated. And you have a holy obligation to rethink your relationship with any influence that weighs you down with menial obligations.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Your illusions are a part of you like your bones and flesh and memory," writes William Faulkner in his novel Absalom, Absalom! If that’s true, Leo, you now have a chance to be a miracle worker. In the coming weeks, you can summon the uncanny power to rip at least two of your illusions out by the root—without causing any permanent damage! You may temporarily feel a stinging sensation, but that will be a sign that healing is underway. Congratulations in advance for getting rid of the dead weight.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "We are defined by the lines we choose to cross or to be confined by," says Virgo writer A. S. Byatt. That’s a key meditation for you as you enter a phase in which boundaries will be a major theme. During the next eight weeks, you will be continuously challenged to decide which people and things and ideas you want to be part of your world, and which you don’t. In some cases you’ll be wise to put up barriers and limit connection. In other cases, you’ll thrive by erasing borders and transcending divisions. The hard part—and the fun part—will be knowing which is which. Trust your gut. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When life gives you lemon juice from concentrate, citric acid, high-fructose corn syrup, modified cornstarch, potassium citrate, yellow food dye, and gum acacia, what should you do? Make lemonade, of course! You might wish that all the raw ingredients life sends your way would be pure and authentic, but sometimes the mix includes artificial stuff. No worries, Libra! I am confident that you have the imaginative chutzpah and resilient willpower necessary to turn the mishmash into passable nourishment. Or here’s another alternative: You could procrastinate for two weeks, when more of the available resources will be natural.SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your Mythic Metaphor for the coming weeks is dew. Many cultures have regarded it as a symbol of life-giving grace. In Kabbalah, divine dew seeps from the Tree of Life. In Chinese folklore, the lunar dew purifies vision and nurtures longevity. In the lore of ancient Greece, dew confers fertility. The Iroquois speak of the Great Dew Eagle, who drops healing moisture on land ravaged by evil spirits. The creator god of the Ashanti people created dew soon after making the sun, moon, and stars. Lao-Tse said it’s an emblem of the harmonious marriage between Earth and Heaven. So what will you do with the magic dew you’ll be blessed with?SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s prime time for you to love your memory, make vivid use of your memory, and enhance your memory. Here are some hints about how: 1. Feel appreciation for the way the old stories of your life form the core of your identity and self-image. 2. Draw on your recollections of the past to guide you in making decisions about the imminent future. 3. Notice everything you see with an intensified focus, because then you will remember it better, and that will come in handy quite soon. 4. Make up new memories that you wish had happened. Have fun creating scenes from an imagined past.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Most of us know about Albert Einstein’s greatest idea: the general theory of relativity. It was one of the reasons he won a Nobel Prize in Physics. But what was his second-best discovery? Here’s what he said it was: adding an egg to the pot while he cooked his soup. That way, he could produce a soft-boiled egg without having to dirty a second pot. What are the first- and second-most fabulous ideas you’ve ever come up with, Capricorn? I suspect you are on the verge of producing new candidates to compete with them. If it’s OK with you, I will, at least temporarily, refer to you as a genius.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may be familiar with the iconic children’s book Where the Wild Things Are. It’s about a boy named Max who takes a dream-like journey from his bedroom to an exotic island, where he becomes king of the weird beasts who live there. Author Maurice Sendak’s original title for the tale was "Where the Wild Horses Are." But when his editor realized how inept Sendak was at drawing horses, she instructed him to come up with a title to match the kinds of creatures he could draw skillfully. That was a good idea. The book has sold over 19 million copies. I think you may need to deal with a comparable issue, Aquarius. It’s wise to acknowledge one of your limitations, and then capitalize on the adjustments you’ve got to make.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "People don’t want their lives fixed," proclaims Chuck Palahniuk in his novel Survivor. "Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown." Your challenge in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to prove Palahniuk wrong, at least in regards to you. From what I can tell, you will have unprecedented opportunities to solve dilemmas and clean up messy situations. And if you take even partial advantage of this gift, you will not be plunged into the big scary unknown, but rather into a new phase of shaping your identity with crispness and clarity.Homework: What book do you suspect would change your life if you actually read it? Testify at Truthrooster@gmail.com.