Free Will Astrology

\ Jul 14, 2016

7 min read

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Upcoming adventures might make you more manly if you are a woman. If you are a man, the coming escapades could make you more womanly. How about if you’re trans? Odds are that you’ll become even more gender fluid. I am exaggerating a bit, of course. The transformations I’m referring to may not be visible to casual observers. They will mostly unfold in the depths of your psyche. But they won’t be merely symbolic, either. There’ll be mutations in your biochemistry that will expand your sense of your own gender. If you respond enthusiastically to these shifts, you will begin a process that could turn you into an even more complete and attractive human being than you already are.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I’ll name five heroic tasks you will have more than enough power to accomplish in the next eight months. 1. Turning an adversary into an ally. 2. Converting a debilitating obsession into a empowering passion. 3. Transforming an obstacle into a motivator. 4. Discovering small treasures in the midst of junk and decay. 5. Using the unsolved riddles of childhood to create a living shrine to eternal youth. 6. Gathering a slew of new freedom songs, learning them by heart, and singing them regularly—especially when habitual fears rise up in you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your life has resemblances to a jigsaw puzzle that lies unassembled on a kitchen table. Unbeknownst to you, but revealed to you by me, a few of the pieces are missing. Maybe your cat knocked them under the refrigerator, or they fell out of their storage box somewhere along the way. But this doesn’t have to be a problem. I believe you can mostly put together the puzzle without the missing fragments. At the end, when you’re finished, you may be tempted to feel frustration that the picture’s not complete. But that would be illogical perfectionism. Ninety-seven-percent success will be just fine.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you are smoothly attuned with the cosmic rhythms and finely aligned with your unconscious wisdom, you could wake up one morning and find that a mental block has miraculously crumbled, instantly raising your intelligence. If you can find it in your proud heart to surrender to "God," your weirdest dilemma will get at least partially solved during a magical three-hour interlude. And if you are able to forgive 50 percent of the wrongs that have been done to you in the last six years, you will no longer feel like you’re running into a strong wind, but rather you’ll feel like the beneficiary of a strong wind blowing in the same direction you’re headed.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): How often have you visited hell or the suburbs of hell during the last few weeks? According to my guesstimates, the time you spent there was exactly the right amount. You got the teachings you needed most, including a few tricks about how to steer clear of hell in the future. With this valuable information, you will forevermore be smarter about how to avoid unnecessary pain and irrelevant hindrances. So congratulations! I suggest you celebrate. And please use your new-found wisdom as you decline one last invitation to visit the heart of a big, hot mess.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My friend Athena works as a masseuse. She says that the highest praise she can receive is drool. When her clients feel so sublimely serene that threads of spit droop out of their mouths, she knows she’s in top form. You might trigger responses akin to drool in the coming weeks, Virgo. Even if you don’t work as a massage therapist, I think it’s possible you’ll provoke rather extreme expressions of approval, longing, and curiosity. You will be at the height of your power to inspire potent feelings in those you encounter. In light of this situation, you might want to wear a small sign or button that reads, "You have my permission to drool freely."

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The latest Free Will Astrology poll shows that thirty-three percent of your friends, loved ones, and acquaintances approve of your grab for glory. Thirty-eight percent disapprove, eighteen percent remain undecided, and eleven percent wish you would grab for even greater glory. As for me, I’m aligned with the eleven-percent minority. Here’s what I say: Don’t allow your quest for shiny breakthroughs and brilliant accomplishments to be overly influenced by what people think of you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are at the pinnacle of your powers to both hurt and heal. Your turbulent yearnings could disrupt the integrity of those whose self-knowledge is shaky, even as your smoldering radiance can illuminate the darkness for those who are lost or weak. As strong and confident as I am, even I would be cautious about engaging your tricky intelligence. Your piercing perceptions and wild understandings might either undo me or vitalize me. Given these volatile conditions, I advise everyone to approach you as if you were a love bomb or a truth fire or a beauty tornado.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Here’s the deal: I will confess a dark secret from my past if you confess an equivalent secret from yours. Shall I go first? When I first got started in the business of writing horoscope columns, I contributed a sexed-up monthly edition to a porn magazine published by smut magnate Larry Flynt. What’s even more scandalous is that I enjoyed doing it. OK. It’s your turn. Locate a compassionate listener who won’t judge you harshly, and unveil one of your subterranean mysteries. You may be surprised at how much psychic energy this will liberate. (For extra credit and emancipation, spill two or even three secrets.)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What do you want to be when you grow up, Capricorn? What? You say you are already all grown up, and my question is irrelevant? If that’s your firm belief, I will ask you to set it aside for now. I’ll invite you to entertain the possibility that maybe some parts of you are not in fact fully mature; that no matter how ripe you imagine yourself to be, you could become even riper—an even more gorgeous version of your best self. I will also encourage you to immerse yourself in a mood of playful fun as you respond to the following question: "How can I activate and embody an even more complete version of my soul’s code?"

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): On a summer day 20 years ago, I took my five-year-old daughter Zoe and her friend Max to the merry-go-round in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. Zoe jumped on the elegant golden-maned lion and Max mounted the wild blue horse. Me? I climbed aboard the humble pig. Its squat pink body didn’t seem designed for rapid movement. Its timid gaze was fixed on the floor in front of it. As the man who operated the ride came around to see if everyone was in place, he congratulated me on my bold choice. Very few riders preferred the porker, he said. Not glamorous enough. "But I’m sure I will arrive at our destination as quickly and efficiently as everyone else," I replied. Your immediate future, Aquarius, has symbolic resemblances to this scene.

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