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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Truth decay is in its early stages. If you take action soon, you can prevent a full-scale decomposition. But be forewarned: Things could get messy, especially if you intervene with the relentless candor and clarity that will be required for medicinal purification. So what do you think? Are you up for the struggle? I understand if you’re not. I’ll forgive you if you simply flee. But if you decide to work your cagey magic, here are some tips. 1. Compile your evidence with rigor. 2. As much as is humanly possible, put aside rancor. Root your efforts in compassionate objectivity. 3. Even as you dig around in the unsightly facts, cherish the beautiful truths you’d like to replace them with.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Are you willing to lose at least some of your inhibitions? Are you curious to find out what it feels like to cavort like a wise wild child? If you want to fully cooperate with life’s plans, you will need to consider those courses of action. I am hoping that you’ll accept the dare, of course. I suspect you will thrive as you explore the pleasures of playful audacity and whimsical courage and effervescent experiments. So be blithe, Taurus! Be exuberant! Be open to the hypothesis that opening to jaunty and jovial possibilities is the single most intelligent thing you can do right now.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What’s the current status of your relationship with your feet? Have you been cultivating and cherishing your connection with the earth below you? The reason I ask, Gemini, is that right now it’s especially important for you to enjoy intimacy with gravity, roots, and foundations. Whatever leads you down and deeper will be a source of good fortune. Feeling grounded will provide you with an aptitude for practical magic. Consider the possibilities of going barefoot, getting a foot massage, or buying a new shoes that are both beautiful and comfortable.CANCER (June 21-July 22): A woman in the final stages of giving birth may experience acute discomfort. But once her infant spills out into the world, her distress can transform into bliss. I don’t foresee quite so dramatic a shift for you, Cancerian. But the transition you undergo could have similar elements: from uncertainty to grace; from agitation to relief; from constriction to spaciousness. To take maximum advantage of this blessing, don’t hold onto the state you’re leaving behind—or the feelings it aroused in you.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In one of my dreams last night, a Leo sensualist I know advised me to take smart pills and eat an entire chocolate cheesecake before writing my next Leo horoscope. In another dream, my Leo friend Erica suggested that I compose your horoscope while attending an orgy where all the participants were brilliant physicists, musicians, and poets. In a third dream, my old teacher Rudolf (also a Leo) said I should create the Leo horoscope as I sunbathed on a beach in Maui while being massaged by two sexy geniuses. Here’s how I interpret my dreams: In the coming days, you can literally increase your intelligence by indulging in luxurious comforts and sensory delights.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Play a joke on your nervous anxiety. Leap off the ground or whirl in a circle five times as you shout, "I am made of love!" Learn the words and melody to a new song that lifts your mood whenever you sing it. Visualize yourself going on an adventure that will amplify your courage and surprise your heart. Make a bold promise to yourself, and acquire an evocative object that will symbolize your intention to fulfill that promise. Ask yourself a soul-shaking question you haven’t been wise enough to investigate before now. Go to a wide-open space, spread your arms out in a greeting to the sky, and pray for a vision of your next big goal. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Illuminati do not want you to receive the prophecy I have prepared for you. Nor do the Overlords of the New World Order, the Church of the SubGenius, the Fake God that masquerades as the Real God, or the nagging little voice in the back of your head. So why am I going ahead and divulging this oracle anyway? Because I love you. My loyalty is to you, not those shadowy powers. Therefore, I am pleased to inform you that the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to evade, ignore, undermine, or rebel against controlling influences that aren’t in alignment with your soul’s goals. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The dictionary says that the verb "to schmooze" means to chat with people in order to promote oneself or make a social connection that may prove to be advantageous. But that definition puts a selfish spin on an activity that can, at least sometimes, be carried out with artful integrity. Your assignment in the coming weeks is to perform this noble version of schmoozing. If you are offering a product or service that is beautiful or useful or both, I hope you will boost its presence and influence with the power of your good listening skills and smart conversations.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): If you are attuned with the cosmic rhythms in the coming weeks, you will be a source of teaching and leadership. Allies will feel fertilized by your creative vigor. You’ll stimulate team spirit with your savvy appeals to group solidarity. If anyone can revive droopy procrastinators and demonstrate the catalytic power of gratitude, it’ll be you. Have you heard enough good news, Sagittarius, or can you absorb more? I expect that you’ll inspire interesting expressions of harmony that will replace contrived versions of togetherness. And every blessing you bestow will expand your capacity for attracting favors you can really use.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The fictional character known as Superman has one prominent vulnerability: the mineral kryptonite. When he’s near this stuff, it weakens his superpowers and may cause other problems. I think we all have our own versions of kryptonite, even if they’re metaphorical. For instance, my own superpowers tend to decline when I come into the presence of bad architecture, cheesy poetry, and off-pitch singing. How about you, Capricorn? What’s your version of kryptonite? Whatever it is, I’m happy to let you know that you are currently less susceptible to its debilitating influences than usual. Why? Well, you have a sixth sense about how to avoid it. And even if it does draw near, you have in your repertoire some new tricks to keep it from sapping your strength. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s quite possible you will receive seductive proposals in the coming weeks. You may also be invited to join your fortunes with potential collaborators who have almost fully awakened to your charms. I won’t be surprised if you receive requests to share your talents, offer your advice, or bestow your largesse. You’re a hot prospect, my dear. You’re an attractive candidate. You appear to be ripe for the plucking. How should you respond? My advice is to be flattered and gratified, but also discerning. Just because an inquiry is exciting doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Choose carefully.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Would you like to become a master of intimacy? Can you imagine yourself handling the challenges of togetherness with the skill of a great artist and the wisdom of a love genius? If that prospect appeals to you, now would be a favorable time to up your game. Here’s a hot tip on how to porceed: You must cultivate two seemingly contradictory skills. The first is the capacity to identify and nurture the best qualities in your beloved friend. The second is the ability to thrive on the fact that healthy relationships require you to periodically wrestle with each other’s ignorance and immaturity.Homework: All of us are trying to wake up from our sleepy delusions about the nature of life. What’s your most potent wake-up technique?