Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Climbing mountains has been a popular adventure since the nineteenth century, but there are still many peaks around the world that no one has ever ascended. They include the 24,591-foot-high Muchu Chhish in Pakistan, 23,691-foot Karjiang South in Tibet, and 12,600-foot Sauyr Zhotasy on the border of China and Kazakhstan. If there are any Aries mountaineers reading this horoscope who have been dreaming about conquering an unclimbed peak, 2019 will be a great time to do it, and now would be a perfect moment to plan or launch your quest. As for the rest of you Aries, what’s your personal equivalent of reaching the top of an unclimbed peak?TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Eminem’s song "Lose Yourself" was a featured track in the movie 8 Mile, and it won an Academy Award for Best Original Song in 2003. The creator himself was not present at the Oscar ceremony to accept his award, however. He was so convinced his song would lose that he stayed home. At the moment that presenter Barbra Streisand announced Eminem’s triumph, he was asleep in front of the TV with his daughter, who was watching cartoons. In contrast to him, I hope you will be fully available and on the scene for the recognition or acknowledgment that should be coming your way sometime soon.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While enjoying its leisure time, the peregrine falcon glides around at 50 miles per hour. But when it’s motivated by the desire to eat, it may swoop and dart at a velocity of 220 miles per hour. Amazing! In accordance with your astrological omens, Gemini, I propose that we make the peregrine falcon your spirit creature for the next three weeks. I suspect you will have extraordinary speed and agility and focus whenever you’re hunting for exactly what you want. So here’s a crucial question: what exactly do you want?CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now and then the sun shines and rain falls at the same time. The meteorological name for the phenomenon is "sunshower," but folklore provides other terms. Hawaiians may call it "liquid sunshine" or "ghost rain." Speakers of the Tangkhul language in India imagine it as "the wedding of a human and spirit." Some Russians refer to it as "mushroom rain," since it’s thought to encourage the growth of mushrooms. Whatever you might prefer to call it, Cancerian, I suspect that the foreseeable future will bring you delightful paradoxes in a similar vein. And in my opinion, that will be very lucky for you, since you’ll be in the right frame of mind and spirit to thrive amidst just such situations.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A study by the Fidelity financial services company revealed that in 43 percent of all couples, neither partner has an accurate knowledge of how much money the other partner earns. Meanwhile, research by the National Institute of Health concludes that among heterosexual couples, 36 percent of husbands misperceive how frequently their wives have orgasms. I bring this to your attention in order to sharpen your focus on how crucial it is to communicate clearly with your closest allies. I mean, it’s rarely a good idea to be ignorant about what’s going on with those close to you, but it’ll be an especially bad idea during the next six weeks.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Torre Mayor is one of the tallest skyscrapers in Mexico City. When workers finished its construction in 2003, it was one of the world’s most earthquake-proof buildings, designed to hold steady during an 8.5-level temblor. Over the course of 2019, Virgo, I’d love to see you erect the metaphorical equivalent of that unshakable structure in your own life. The astrological omens suggest that doing so is quite possible. And the coming weeks will be an excellent time to launch that project or intensify your efforts to manifest it.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Multitalented Libran singer and actor Donald Glover uses the name of Childish Gambino when he performs his music. How did he select that alias? He used an online random name generator created by the rap group Wu-Tang Clan. I tried the same generator and got "Fearless Warlock" as my new moniker. You might want to try it yourself, Libra. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to add layers to your identity and expand your persona and mutate your self-image. The generator is here: tinyurl.com/yournewname. (P.S.: If you don’t like the first one you’re offered, keep trying until you get one you like.)SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Leonardo da Vinci’s painting Salvator Mundi sold for $450 million in 2017. Just twelve years earlier, an art collector had bought it for $10,000. Why did its value increase so extravagantly? Because in 2005, no one was sure it was an authentic da Vinci painting. It was damaged and had been covered with other layers of paint that hid the original image. After extensive efforts at restoration, the truth about it emerged. I foresee the possibility of a comparable, if less dramatic, development in your life during the next ten months, Scorpio. Your work to rehabilitate or renovate an underestimated resource could bring big dividends.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): We can behold colors because of specialized cells in our eyes called cones. Most of us have three types of cones, but a few rare people have four. This enables them to see far more hues than the rest of us. Are you a tetrachromat, a person with super-vision? Whether you are or not, I suspect you will have extra powerful perceptual capacities in the coming weeks. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be able to see more than you usually do. The world will seem brighter and deeper and more vivid. I urge you to deploy your temporary superpower to maximum advantage.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There are two kinds of minor, boring little tasks. One is when you’re attending to a detail that’s not in service to a higher purpose; the other is when you’re attending to a detail that is a crucial step in the process of fulfilling an important goal. An example of the first might be when you try in vain to scour a permanent stain on a part of the kitchen counter that no one ever sees. An example of the second is when you download an update for an existing piece of software so your computer works better and you can raise your efficiency levels as you pursue a pet project. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to keep this distinction in mind as you focus on the minor, boring little tasks that are crucial steps in the process of eventually fulfilling an important goal.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Can you sit on your own head? Not many people can. It requires great flexibility. Before comedian Robin Williams was famous, he spontaneously did just that when he auditioned for the role of the extraterrestrial immigrant Mork, the hero of the TV sitcom “Mork and Mindy.” The casting director was impressed with Williams’ odd but amusing gesture, and hired him immediately. If you’re presented with an opportunity sometime soon, I encourage you to be inspired by the comedian’s ingenuity. What might you do to cinch your audition, to make a splashy first impression, to convince interested parties that you’re the right person?PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Twitter wit Notorious Debi Hope advises us, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." That’s wise counsel for you to keep in mind during the next three weeks. Let me add a few corollaries. First, stave off any temptation you might have to believe that others know what’s good for you better than you do. Second, figure out what everyone thinks of you and aggressively liberate yourself from their opinions. Third, if anyone even hints at not giving you the respect you deserve, banish them for at least three weeks.Homework: What is the best gift you could give your best ally right now? Testify at https://FreeWillAstrology.com.