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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19): We’re in the equinoctial season. During this pregnant pause, the sun seems to hover directly over the equator; the lengths of night and day are equal. For all of us, but especially for you, it’s a favorable phase to conjure and cultivate more sweet symmetry, calming balance, and healing harmony. In that spirit, I encourage you to temporarily suspend any rough, tough approaches you might have in regard to those themes. Resist the temptation to slam two opposites together simply to see what happens. Avoid engaging in the pseudo-fun of purging by day and bingeing by night. And don’t you dare get swept up in hating what you love or loving what you hate.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "I tell you what freedom is to me: no fear." So said singer and activist Nina Simone. But it’s doubtful there ever came a time when she reached the perfect embodiment of that idyllic state. How can any of us empty out our anxiety so completely as to be utterly emancipated? It’s not possible. That’s the bad news, Taurus. The good news is that in the coming weeks you will have the potential to be as unafraid as you have ever been. For best results, try to ensure that love is your primary motivation in everything you do and say and think.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Some things don’t change much. The beautiful marine animal species known as the pearly nautilus, which lives in the South Pacific, is mostly the same as it was 150 million years ago. Then there’s Fuggerei, a walled enclave within the German city of Augsburg. The rent is cheap, about one U.S. dollar per year, and that fee hasn’t increased in almost 500 years. While I am in awe of these bastions of stability, and wish we had more such symbolic anchors, I advise you to head in a different direction. During the coming weeks, you’ll be wise to be a maestro of mutability, a connoisseur of transformation, an adept of novelty.CANCER (June 21-July 22): Granny Smith apples are widely available. But before 1868, the tart, crispy, juicy fruit never existed on planet Earth. Around that time, an Australian mother of eight named Maria Ann Smith threw the cores of French crab apples out her window while she was cooking. The seeds were fertilized by the pollen from a different, unknown variety of apple, and a new type was born: Granny Smith. I foresee the possibility of a metaphorically comparable event in your future: a lucky accident that enables you to weave together two interesting threads into a fascinating third thread.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Every masterpiece is just dirt and ash put together in some perfect way," writes storyteller Chuck Palahniuk, who has completed several novelistic masterpieces. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you Leos have assembled much of the dirt and ash necessary to create your next masterpiece, and are now ready to move on to the next phase. And what is that phase? Identifying the help and support you’ll need for the rest of the process.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In 1959, scandal erupted among Americans who loved to eat peanut butter. Studies revealed that manufacturers had added so much hydrogenated vegetable oil and glycerin to their product that only 75 percent of it could truly be called peanut butter. So began a long legal process to restore high standards. Finally there was a new law specifying that no company could sell a product called "peanut butter" unless it contained at least 90 percent peanuts. I hope this fight for purity inspires you to conduct a metaphorically comparable campaign. It’s time to ensure that all the important resources and influences in your life are at peak intensity and efficiency. Say NO to dilution and adulteration.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 1936, the city of Cleveland, Ohio staged the Great Lakes Exposition, a 135-acre fair with thrill rides, art galleries, gardens, and sideshows. One of its fun features was *The Golden Book of Cleveland*, a 2.5-ton, 6,000-page text the size of a mattress. After the expo closed down, the "biggest book in the world" went missing. If it still exists today, no one knows where it is. I’m going to speculate that there’s a metaphorical version of *The Golden Book of Cleveland* in your life. You, too, have lost track of a major Something that would seem hard to misplace. Here’s the good news: If you intensify your search now, I bet you’ll find it before the end of 2019. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 1990, the New Zealand government appointed educator, magician, and comedian Ian Brackenbury Channell to be the official Wizard of New Zealand. His jobs include protecting the government, blessing new enterprises, casting out evil spirits, upsetting fanatics, and cheering people up. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to find your personal equivalents of an inspirational force like that. There’s really no need to scrimp. According to my reading of the cosmic energies, you have license to be extravagant in getting what you need to thrive.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Do silly things," advised playwright Anton Chekhov. "Foolishness is a great deal more vital and healthy than our straining and striving after a meaningful life." I think that’s a perspective worth adopting now and then. Most of us go through phases when we take things too seriously and too personally and too literally. Bouts of fun absurdity can be healing agents for that affliction. But now is NOT one of those times for you, in my opinion. Just the reverse is true, in fact. I encourage you to cultivate majestic moods and seek out awe-inspiring experiences and induce sublime perspectives. Your serious and noble quest for a meaningful life can be especially rewarding in the coming weeks.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Before comedian Jack Benny died in 1974, he arranged to have a florist deliver a single red rose to his wife every day for the rest of her life. She lived another nine years, and received more than 3,000 of these gifts. Even though you’ll be around on this earth for a long time, I think the coming weeks would be an excellent time to establish a comparable custom: a commitment to providing regular blessings to a person or persons for whom you care deeply. This bold decision would be in alignment with astrological omens, which suggest that you can generate substantial benefits for yourself by being creative with your generosity.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Actress and author Ruby Dee formulated an unusual prayer. "God," she wrote, "make me so uncomfortable that I will do the very thing I fear." As you might imagine, she was a brave activist who risked her reputation and career working for the Civil Rights Movement and other idealistic causes. I think her exceptional request to a Higher Power makes good sense for you right now. You’re in a phase when you can generate practical blessings by doing the very things that intimidate you or make you nervous. And maybe the best way to motivate and mobilize yourself is by getting at least a bit flustered or unsettled.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Syndicated cartoon strip "Calvin and Hobbes" appeared for ten years in 2,400 newspapers in fifty countries. It wielded a sizable cultural influence. For example, in 1992, six-year-old Calvin decided "The Big Bang" was a boring term for how the universe began, and instead proposed we call it the "Horrendous Space Kablooie." A number of real scientists subsequently adopted Calvin’s innovation, and it has been invoked playfully but seriously in university courses and textbooks. In that spirit, I encourage you to give fun new names to anything and everything you feel like spicing up. You now have substantial power to reshape and revamp the components of your world. It’s Identify-Shifting Time.[Editor: Here’s this week’s homework:]Homework: Say these words in front of a mirror: "It’s bad luck to be superstitious." FreeWillAstrology.com