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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free
::Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
7 min read
ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to an astrologer named Astrolocherry (astrolocherry.tumblr.com), Aries is the sign of the freedom fighter, the explorer, the daredevil and the adventurer. That’s all true; I agree with her. But here’s an important caveat. As you get older, it’s your duty to harness all that hot energy on behalf of the softer, slower, more tender parts of your life. The coming weeks will offer you a great opportunity to work on that challenge. To get started, imagine how you can be a freedom fighter, explorer, daredevil and adventurer in service to your home, family and community. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): After a thorough, detailed, painstaking analysis of the astrological omens, I’m inclined to advise you to be neither thorough nor detailed nor painstaking in the coming days. Instead, I suspect you will thrive by being spontaneous and improvisatory. Wing it, baby! Throw away the script. Trust your gut. Play it by ear. Make it up as you go along. If you find yourself frowning with indecision and beset by lazy procrastination, you will know you’re off course. If you are feeling blithe and agile as you get a lot done with creative efficiency, you will know you’re right in the groove.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Japanese word tsundoku describes what happens if you buy a lot of books but never read them, leaving them piled up in a neglected heap. I recommend that you avoid indulging in tsundoku any time soon, Gemini. In fact, I urge you not to acquire any resources that you then proceed to ignore. You are in a phase of your astrological cycle when it’s crucial to make conscientious use of your tools and riches. To let them go to waste would be to dishonor them and make it less likely that you will continue to receive their blessings in the future. Take full advantage of what’s yours.CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you could harness the energy from a typical lightning bolt, you would be able to use it to toast 100,000 slices of bread. That’s an impossible scenario, of course. But I see it as an apt metaphor for the challenge you have ahead of you. I suspect you will soon get access to a massive influx of vital force that arrives in a relatively short time. Can you find a way to gather it in and store it up? Or will most of it, after the initial burst, leak away and be unavailable for long-term use? The secret to success will lie in whether you can figure out how to create the perfect "container."LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Forget the suffering/ You caused others./ Forget the suffering/ Others caused you." Czeslaw Milosz wrote these words in his poem "Forget," and now I’m passing them on to you. According to my reading of the astrological omens, now would be an excellent time for you to purge the old hurts you are still carrying, both those you dealt out and those you endured. Opportunities like this don’t come along often, Leo. I invite you to repay emotional debts, declare amnesty and engage in an orgy of forgiveness. Any other things you can think of that will help wipe the slate clean? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When a Navajo baby laughs for the first time, everyone in the community celebrates. It’s regarded as the moment when the child completes his or her transition from the spirit realm into the physical world. The person who has provoked the baby’s laughter is charged with planning the First Laugh Ceremony, a party to commemorate the magical event. I foresee a comparable development in your life, Virgo. You won’t be laughing for the first time, of course, but I suspect your sense of humor will reach a new ripeness. How? Maybe you will be able to find amusement in things you have always taken too seriously. Maybe you will suddenly have a deeper appreciation for life’s ongoing cosmic jokes. Or perhaps you will stumble upon reasons to laugh longer and harder and louder than you ever have before.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Would you like to be free from the experience of getting criticized? Do you think it might be nice if no one ever accused you of being wrong or off-track? If so, here’s how you should proceed, says American writer Elbert Hubbard: "Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." But I’m afraid I can’t recommend that behavior for you, Libra. In the coming weeks, you have a sacred duty to your Future Self to risk being controversial. I urge you to take strong stands, speak raw truths and show your real feelings. Yes, you may attract flack. You might disturb the peace. But that will be an acceptable price to pay for the rewards you receive. This is one time when being courageous is more important than seeking harmony.SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any," said Mark Twain. How do you respond to that impish nudge, Scorpio? Are there any geniuses and heroes out there whom you consider to be worthy of your respect? If not, I urge you to go out in search of some. At this phase of your evolution, you are in special need of people who inspire you with their greatness. It’s crucial for you to learn from teachers and role models who are further along than you are in their mastery of the game of life. I also believe it would be healing for you to feel waves of admiration and reverence.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Everyone has something to hide," declared Russian author Anton Chekhov. Is that true? Do even you blunt Sagittarians have something to hide? I’m going to say that for 90 percent of you, the answer is yes. There are secrets you don’t want anyone to find out about: past events you are reluctant to disclose, shady deeds you are getting away with now or taboo thoughts you want to keep sealed away from public knowledge. I’m not here to scold you about them or to encourage you to spill them. On the contrary, I say it’s time to bring them fully into your conscious awareness, to honor their importance to your life story and to acknowledge their power to captivate your imagination.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A German chemist named Felix Hoffmann had a prominent role in synthesizing two very different drugs: aspirin and heroin. In analyzing your astrological omens for the coming months, I see you as having a similar potential. You could create good stuff that will have the power to help and heal; or you could generate borderline stuff that will lead to a lot of problems; or you could do both. How it all plays out really is up to your free will. For best results, set your intention to go in the direction of things like aspirin and away from things like heroin.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is a good time to risk a small leap of faith, but not a sprawling vault over a yawning abyss. Feel free and easy about exploring the outer borders of familiar territory, but be cautious about the prospect of wandering into the deep, dark unknown. Be willing to entertain stimulating new ideas but not cracked notions that have little evidence to back them up. Your task is to shake up the status quo just enough to invigorate everyone’s emotional intelligence, even as you take care not to unleash an upheaval that makes everyone crazy.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): British poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) had an unusual fetish. He enjoyed eating apples, pears and other fruits while they were still hanging on the tree. Why? Maybe because the taste was as pure and brisk and naked as it could possibly be—an experience that I imagine would be important to a romantic poet like him. In accordance with your astrological omens, I suggest you use Coleridge’s quest for ultimate freshness as a driving metaphor in the coming week. Go to the source to get what you need. Dispense with intermediaries. Be as raw as the law allows.Homework: What are the five conditions you’d need in your world in order to feel you were living in utopia? Write uaregod@comcast.net.