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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Someone on Reddit.com posed the question, "What have you always been curious to try?" In reply, many people said they wanted to experiment with exotic varieties of sex and drugs they had never treated themselves to before. Other favorites: eating chocolate-covered bacon; piloting a plane; shoplifting; doing a stand-up comedy routine; hang-gliding and deep-sea diving; exploring the Darknet and the Deep Web; spontaneously taking a trip to a foreign country; turning away from modern society and joining a Buddhist monastery. What would your answer be, Aries? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to explore what you have always been curious to try. The risks will be lower than usual and the results more likely to be interesting.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Contrary to popular opinion, crime fiction author Arthur Conan Doyle never once had his character Sherlock Holmes utter the statement "Elementary, my dear Watson." For that matter, Humphrey Bogart never actually said "Play it again, Sam" in the film Casablanca. Star Trek’s Captain Kirk never used the exact phrase "Beam me up, Scotty." Furthermore I, Rob Brezsny, have never before issued the following prophecy: "Deep sexy darkness and deep sexy brilliance are conspiring to bring you Tauruses intriguing pleasures that will educate the naive part of your soul"—until now, that is. At this juncture in the ever-twisting plot of your life story, I am most definitely saying just that.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Here are some thoughts from Gemini author Fernando Pessoa: "The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd—the longing for impossible things; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else." Can you relate, Gemini? Have you felt those feelings? Here’s the good news: In the coming weeks, you will be more free of them than you have been in a long time. What will instead predominate for you are yearnings for very possible things and contentment with what’s actually available to you. (Pessoa’s words are from The Book of Disquiet, translated by Alfred Mac Adam.)CANCER (June 21-July 22): The most important thing you can do in the coming weeks is learn how to take care of yourself better. What? You say you’re too busy for that? You have too many appointments and obligations? I disagree. In my astrological opinion, there’s one task that must trump all others, and that is get smarter about how you eat, sleep, exercise, relax, heal yourself and connect with people. I can assure you that there’s a lot you don’t know about what you really need and the best ways to get what you really need. But you are ripe to become wiser in this subtle, demanding and glorious art.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Naturalist Greg Munson says that many dragonflies are great acrobats. They are the "Cirque du Soleil" performers of the animal kingdom. Not only do they eat in mid-air, they also have sex. While flying, two dragonflies will hook up and bend into a roughly circular formation to accommodate the idiosyncrasies of their reproductive organs, thereby forming a "mating pinwheel." I don’t expect you to achieve quite that level of virtuosity in your own amorous escapades, Leo. But if you’re adventurous, you could very well enjoy experiences that resemble having sex while flying.VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Born under the sign of Virgo, Yuriy Norshteyn is a Russian animator who has won numerous awards. His Tale of Tales was once voted the greatest animated film of all time. But he hasn’t finished any new films for quite a while. In fact, he has been working on the same project since 1981, indulging his perfectionism to the max. In 33 years he has only finished 25 minutes’ worth of The Overcoat, which is based on a story by Nikolai Gogol. But I predict that he will complete this labor of love in the next eight months—just as many of you other Virgos will finally wrap up tasks you have been working on for a long time.LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Every saint has a bee in his halo," said philosopher Elbert Hubbard. Similarly, some Libras have a passive-aggressive streak hidden beneath their harmony-seeking, peace-loving persona. Are you one of them? If so, I invite you to express your darker feelings more forthrightly. You don’t have to be mean and insensitive. In fact, it’s best if you use tact and diplomacy. Just make sure you reveal the fact that there is indeed a bee in your halo. I bet you will ultimately be pleased with the consequences you stir up through your acts of courageous honesty.SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Many people use the terms "cement" and "concrete" interchangeably, but they are not the same. Cement is powdery stuff that’s composed of limestone, gypsum, clay with aluminosilicate and other ingredients. It’s just one of the raw materials that is used to make concrete—usually no more than 15 percent of the total mass. The rest consists of sand, crushed stone and water. Let’s regard this as a good metaphor for you to keep in mind, Scorpio. If you want to create a durable thing that can last as long as concrete, make sure you don’t get overly preoccupied with the "cement" at the expense of the other 85 percent of the stuff you will need.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Whatever returns from oblivion returns to find a voice," writes Louise Glück in her poem "The Wild Iris." I think that will be a key theme for you in the coming weeks. There’s a part of you that is returning from oblivion—making its way home from the abyss—and it will be hungry to express itself when it arrives back here in your regularly scheduled life. This dazed part of you may not yet know what exactly it wants to say. But it is fertile with the unruly wisdom it has gathered while wandering. Sooner rather than later, it will discover a way to articulate its raw truths.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness," said American humorist Josh Billings. I propose that we make that your motto in the coming weeks. It’s an excellent time to liberate yourself from memories that still cause you pain—to garner major healing from past anguish and upheaval. And one of the best ways to do that will be to let go of as much blame and rage and hatred as you possibly can. Forgiveness can be your magic spell.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Denmark has been a pioneer in developing the technology to supply its energy needs with wind power. By 2020 it expects to generate half of its electricity from wind turbines. Recently the Danish climate minister also announced his nation’s intention to phase out the use of coal as an energy source within 10 years. I would love to see you apply this kind of enlightened long-term thinking to your own personal destiny, Aquarius. Now would be an excellent time to brainstorm about the life you want to be living in 2020 and 2025. It’s also a perfect moment to outline a master plan for the next 10 years and commit to it.PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean actor Sir Michael Caine has had an illustrious career. He has won two Oscars and been nominated for the award six times in five different decades. But for his appearance in Jaws: The Revenge, he was nominated for the Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Supporting Actor. He confessed that his work in that film was not his best, and yet he was happy with how much money he made doing it. "I have never seen the film," he said, "but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." In accordance with the astrological omens, Pisces, you have permission to engage in a comparable trade-off during the coming months.Homework: Is there any place in your life where you think you’re doing your best but in fact you could do better? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.