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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Lord Byron (1788-1824) was an English poet who loved animals. In the course of his life, he not only had dogs and cats as pets, but also monkeys, horses, peacocks, geese, a crocodile, a falcon, a crane and a parrot. When he enrolled in Trinity College at age 17, he was upset that the school’s rules forbade students from having pet dogs, which meant he couldn’t bring his adored Newfoundland dog Boatswain. There was no regulation, however, against having a tame bear as a pet. So Byron got one and named it Bruin. I think it’s time for you to find a workaround like that, Aries. Be cunning. Try a gambit or two. Find a loophole.TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Whenever I lost one of my baby teeth as a kid, I put it under my pillow before I went to sleep. During the night the Tooth Fairy sneaked into my room to snatch the tooth, and in its place left me 25 cents. The same crazy thing happened to every kid I knew, although for unknown reasons my friend John always got $5 for each of his teeth—far more than the rest of us. I see a metaphorically comparable development in your life, Taurus. It probably won’t involve teeth or a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Rather, you will finally be compensated for a loss or deprivation or disappearance that you experienced in the past. I expect the restitution will be generous too—more like John’s than mine.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Through the scientific magic of grafting, a single tree can be altered to grow several different kinds of fruit at the same time. One type of "fruit salad tree" produces apricots, nectarines, plums and peaches, while another bears grapefruits, lemons, oranges, limes and tangelos. I’m thinking this might be an apt and inspiring symbol for you in the coming months, Gemini. What multiple blooms will you create on your own metaphorical version of a fruit salad tree?CANCER (June 21-July 22): No other structure on the planet is longer than the Great Wall of China, which stretches 3,945 miles. It’s not actually one unbroken span, though. Some sections aren’t connected, and there are redundant branches that are roughly parallel to the main structure. It reminds me of your own personal Great Wall, which is monumental yet permeable, strong in some ways but weak in others, daunting to the casual observer but less so to those who take the time to study it. Now is an excellent time to take inventory of that wall of yours. Is it serving you well? Is it keeping out the influences you don’t want but allowing in the influences you do want? Could it use some renovation? Are you willing to reimagine what its purpose is and how you want it to work for you in the future?LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The Arctic Monkeys are British rockers who have produced five studio albums, which together have sold almost 5 million copies. Rolling Stone magazine called their first album, released in 2006, the 30th greatest debut of all time. Yet when they first formed in 2002, none of them could play a musical instrument. I see the current era of your life, Leo, as having a similar potential. How might you start from scratch to create something great?VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Alan Turing (1912-1954) was a British mathematician and pioneering computer scientist. After World War II broke out, he got worried that the German army might invade and occupy England, as it had done to France. To protect his financial assets, he converted everything he owned into bars of silver, then buried them underground in the countryside north of London. When the war ended, he decided it was safe to dig up his fortune. Unfortunately, he couldn’t recall where he had put it, and never did find it. Let’s draw a lesson from his experience, Virgo. It’s fine if you want to stash a treasure or protect a secret or safeguard a resource. That’s probably a sensible thing to do right now. But make sure you remember every detail about why and how you’re doing it. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Even if you are not formally enrolled in a course of study or a training program, you are nevertheless being schooled. Maybe you’re not fully conscious of what you have been learning. Maybe your teachers are disguised or unwitting. But I assure you that the universe has been dropping some intense new knowledge on you. The coming week will be an excellent time to become more conscious of the lessons you have been absorbing. If you have intuitions about where this educational drama should go next, be proactive about making that happen.SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You now have a special ability to detect transformations that are happening below the threshold of everyone else’s awareness. Anything that has been hidden or unknown will reveal itself to your gentle probes. You will also be skilled at communicating your discoveries to people who are important to you. Take full advantage of these superpowers. Don’t underestimate how pivotal a role you can play as a teacher, guide and catalyst. The future success of your collaborative efforts depends on your next moves.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Harper Lee was born and raised in Alabama. At the age of 23, she relocated to New York City with hopes of becoming a writer. It was a struggle. To support herself, she worked as a ticket agent for airline companies. Finding the time to develop her craft was difficult. Seven years went by. Then one Christmas, two friends gave her a remarkable gift: enough money to quit her job and work on her writing for a year. During that grace period, Lee created the basics for a book that won her a Pulitzer Prize: To Kill a Mockingbird. I don’t foresee anything quite as dramatic for you in the coming months, Sagittarius. But I do suspect you will receive unexpected help that provides you with the slack and spaciousness you need to lay the foundations for a future creation.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the ancient Greek epic poem the Odyssey, Odysseus’ wife Penelope describes two kinds of dreams. "Those that pass through the gate of ivory," she says, are deceptive. But dreams that "come forth through the gate of polished horn" tell the truth. Another ancient text echoes these ideas. In his poem the Aeneid, Virgil says that "true visions" arrive here from the land of dreams through the gate of horn, whereas "deluding lies" cross over through the gate of ivory. Judging from the current astrological omens, Capricorn, I expect you will have interesting and intense dreams flowing through both the gate of ivory and the gate of horn. Will you be able to tell the difference? Trust love.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your chances of going viral are better than usual. It’s a perfect moment to upload a YouTube video of yourself wearing a crown of black roses and a V for Vendetta mask as you ride a unicycle inside a church and sing an uptempo parody version of "O Come, All Ye Faithful." It’s also a favorable time for you to create a buzz for you and your pet causes through less spectacular measures. Promote yourself imaginatively. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): At age 80 author Joan Didion has published 5 novels, 10 works of nonfiction and 5 screenplays. When she was 27, she wrote, "I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be." That wasn’t a good thing, she added: "We are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends." I recommend her counsel to you in the coming months, Pisces. Get reacquainted with the old selves you have outgrown and abandoned.Homework: Forget what Time magazine thinks. Who is your "Person of the Year?" Tell me at Truthrooster@gmail.com.