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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): This week you may learn the real reason the tortoise beat the hare, why two of the three blind mice weren’t really blind, and the shocking truth about the relationship between Cinderella’s fairy godmother and the handsome prince. Myths will be mutating, Aries. Nursery rhymes will scramble and fairy tales will fracture. Thor, the god of thunder, may make a tempting offer to Snow White. The cow’s jump over the moon could turn out to have been faked by the CIA. An ugly duckling will lay an egg that Chicken Little claims is irrefutable proof the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse is imminent. Sounds like a rowdy good time for all! TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Roots and wings. But let the wings grow roots and the roots fly." That was written by Spanish poet Juan Ramon Jimenez, and now I’m passing it on to you. It will serve as a keynote for the turning point you’re about to navigate. In the coming weeks, you’ll generate good fortune by exposing your dark mysterious depths to the big bright sky; you’ll be wise to bring your soaring dreams down to earth for a pit stop. The highs need the influence of the lows, Taurus; the underneath will benefit from feeling the love of what’s up above. There’s one further nuance to be aware of, too: I think you will find it extra interesting to interweave your past with your future. Give your rich traditions a taste of the stories that are as-yet unwritten. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Is it possible you were a spider in a previous life? If so, please call on the abilities you developed back then. You need to create an extra big, super-fine web, metaphorically speaking, so that you can capture all the raw materials you will be needing in the coming weeks and months. If you’re not sure whether you are the reincarnation of a spider, then simply imagine you were. Stimulate daydreams in which you visualize yourself as a mover and shaker who’s skilled at snagging the resources and help you require. CANCER (June 21-July 22): British writer Kenneth Tynan asked a movie director about how he’d film an advancing army. Did it matter whether the action went from right to left across the frame or left to right? "Of course!" said the director. "To the Western eye, easy or successful movement is left to right, difficult or failed movement is right to left." The director showed Tynan an illustrated book as evidence. On one page, a canoe shooting the rapids was going from left to right, while a man climbing a mountain was headed from right to left. Use this information to your benefit, Cancerian. Every day for the next two weeks, visualize yourself moving from left to right as you fulfill a dream you want to accomplish. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Hanadi Zakaria al-Hindi is the first Saudi Arabian woman to be licensed to fly a plane. But there’s an absurd law in her country that prohibits women from driving cars, so she needs a man to give her a lift to the airport. Is there any situation in your own life that resembles hers, Leo? Like maybe you’ve advanced to a higher level without getting certified on a lower level? Or maybe you’ve got permission and power to operate in a sphere that’s meaningful to you even though you skipped a step along the way? Now would be a good time to think about whether you should do anything about the discrepancy, and if so, how to do it. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Recent scientific studies have confirmed what Native American folklore reports: Badgers and coyotes sometimes cooperate with each other as they search for food. The coyotes are better at stalking prey above ground, and the badgers take over if the hunted animal slips underground. They share the spoils. I suggest you draw inspiration from their example, Virgo. Is there a person you know who’s skilled at a task you have trouble with and who could benefit from something you’re good at? It’s prime time to consider forming symbiotic relationships or seeking out unusual partnerships that play to both parties’ strengths. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): How did the Vikings navigate their ships through rough northern seas on cloudy and foggy days? Medieval texts speak of the mysterious "sunstone," a "Viking compass" used to detect the hidden sun. Modern theories suggest that this technology may have been Iceland spar, a mineral that polarizes light, making it useful in plotting a course under overcast skies. Do you have anything like that, Libra? A navigational aid that guides your decisions when the sun’s not out, metaphorically speaking? Now would be an excellent time to enhance your connection with whatever it is that can provide such power. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you set up two mirrors in just the right way, you can get a clear look at the back of your head. You’re able to see what your body looks like from behind. I suggest you try that exercise sometime soon. It will encourage your subconscious mind to help you discover what has been missing from your self-knowledge. As a result, you may be drawn to experiences that reveal things about yourself you’ve been resistant to seeing. You could be shown secrets about buried feelings and wishes that you’ve been hiding from yourself. Best of all, you may get intuitions about your soul’s code that you haven’t been ready to understand until now. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to my Sagittarius friend Jonathan Zap, the Greek playwright Aristophanes had an ambivalent attitude about divine blessings. He said that no great gift enters the human sphere without a curse attached to it. I’m sure you know this lesson well. One of last year’s big gifts has revealed its downside in ways that may have been confusing or deflating. But now here comes an unexpected plot twist, allowing you to add a corollary to Aristophanes’ formulation. Soon you will find a second blessing that was hidden within the curse in embryonic form. You’ll be able to tease it out, ripen it, and add it to the bounty of the original gift. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Writing in the science magazine Discover , Corey S. Powell says, "There’s an old joke: If you tell someone the universe is expanding, he’ll believe you. If you tell him there’s wet paint on the park bench, he’ll want to touch it to make sure." In accordance with the astrological omens, Capricorn, I invite you to rebel against this theory. I think it’s quite important for you to demand as much proof for big, faraway claims as for those that are close at hand. Don’t trust anyone’s assertions just because they sound lofty or elegant. Put them to the test. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s an excellent time to better appreciate your #@%(!)* vexations and botherations. In fact, let’s go ahead and make this Honor Your #@%(!)* Irritations and Annoyances Week. To properly observe this holiday, study the people and things that irk you so you can extract from them all the blessings and teachings they may provide. Are you too tolerant of an annoying situation that you need to pay closer attention to? Is it time to reclaim the power you’ve been losing because of an exasperating energy-drain? Does some jerk remind you of a quality you don’t like in yourself? Is there a valuable clue or two to be gleaned from a passive-aggressive provocateur? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Seahorses have an unusual approach to reproduction. It’s the male of the species that cares for the eggs as they gestate. He carries them in a "brood pouch" on his front side. Of course it’s the female who creates the eggs in the first place. After analyzing the astrological factors coming to bear on your destiny, Pisces, I suspect you will benefit from having a seahorse-like quality in the coming weeks. Whatever gender you are, your archetypal masculine qualities should play an especially strong role as you nurture a project that’s in its early developmental phases. Homework: What was the pain that healed you most? What was the pleasure that hurt you the worst? Testify at freewillastrology.com.