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Latest Article|September 3, 2020|Free::
Making Grown Men Cry Since 1992
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you have been resisting the command to go deeper, now is the time to surrender. If you have been hoping that the pesky little voice in your head will shut up and stop bugging you to get more involved, you’d better stop hoping. If you’ve been fantasizing about how to escape the growing pressure to give more of yourself, I suggest that instead you fantasize about how you could intensify your commitments. The time has come to explore what has been missing and what needs more love. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Did you know it is illegal to break into prison? That was the charge leveled against a Georgia man, Harry Jackson, who was arrested as he tried to sneak back into the jail from which he had escaped only a short time before. During his brief taste of freedom, Jackson allegedly stole 14 packs of cigarettes from a nearby store. Maybe that was his intention from the beginning—to do an errand and return "home." Please don’t be like him in the coming weeks, Taurus. If you do manage to spring yourself from a trap or bust out of your servitude (and I expect you will do just that), don’t come crawling back later and beg to be allowed back in. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): As I was meditating on your horoscope this afternoon, I gazed out my window at the creek flowing nearby. The tide was coming in, which meant that the current was surging swiftly south. Row upon row of small waves were coursing through the water. Then I spied a lone duck swimming north against the tide. I couldn’t imagine what her motivation was. Why not just relax and float downstream? She wasn’t in a hurry and wasn’t in the least flustered. Ever forward she went, determined to push on. And then it struck me, as I thought of your current astrological omens, that her approach would also suit you quite well right now. Go steadily and casually against the flow, Gemini. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Herbert Kitchener served as the British Consul-General in Egypt early last century. He wasn’t impressed with the creativity of the ancient nation’s art. "I can’t think much of the people who drew cats the same for 4,000 years," he remarked. Is there an equivalent to this lack of development in your own life, Cancerian? Among your own activities, are there any whose history has shown no progression? Did you reach a certain skill level in some area of your life and then stop pushing to improve? This would be an excellent time to identify that knot of excess stability, and then get started on dissolving it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I’m not warning you to cut down on all the leaping and cavorting you’ve been doing lately; I’m just saying that maybe you should add some ballast to your foundation and some gravitas to your demeanor. And I don’t mean to guilt-trip you into toning down your lust to connect with everyone and everything that tickles your synapses. But I do suggest you consider the possibility that beginning very soon variety will not be quite as spicy as it has been; your deft zigzags may need to be carried out with gentler zigs and slightly more cautious zags. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The autocorrect feature sometimes distorts the text messages people send on their smart phones. It tries to fix supposedly misspelled words that aren’t really misspelled, thereby creating awkward variations that can cause a ruckus when they’re received, like changing "I don’t want to leave" to "I don’t want to live." Damn You, Autocorrect! is a book documenting some of the most outrageous examples, many NSFW. Be vigilant for metaphorical versions of this wayward autocorrect phenomenon, Virgo. Be sure that in your efforts to make things better, you don’t render them worse or weird. Consider the possibility that stuff is fine just the way it is. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Meraki is a Greek word that refers to the bliss you feel when you’re engaged in a task that’s important to you and that you’re doing really well. It’s your theme right now, Libra. According to my reading of the astrological omens, everything’s in place for you to experience meraki in abundance. Furthermore, that’s exactly what your destiny is pushing for. So please get out there and do everything you can to cooperate: Make this a meraki-filled week. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your nightly dreams provide useful clues about your waking life. They can show you hidden patterns and unconscious motivations that your daytime mind hasn’t noticed. On rare occasions, they may even offer more literal guidance. That’s what happened for David Brown, a British man who one morning woke up from a dream of seeing a mysterious phone number. As an experiment, he sent a text message to that very number: "Did I meet you last night?" Michelle Kitson, the stranger on the other end, responded with a text, and then Brown texted back. More exchanges ensued, followed by a face-to-face encounter, and eventually the two were married. I can’t guarantee anything quite as dramatic for you, Scorpio, but I do expect your dreams will be unusually helpful. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In addition to reading your astrological omens, I did a Tarot reading, consulted the I Ching, and threw the runes. They all gave me the same message: The coming week would be a good time for you to spend quality time mulling over the Biggest Mystery of Your Life. It’s not mandatory that you do so. You won’t cause a disaster if you refuse. Still, wouldn’t it be fun? Life is inviting you to get re-excited about your personal version of the quest for the Holy Grail. Your future self is calling and calling and calling for you to dive into the ancient riddle you’ve been working on since before you were born. The mists are parting. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In Sue Allison’s theater piece "Lies I’ve Told," two actors take turns telling each other some classic whoppers. Here are a few: 1) "It would be no trouble at all." 2) "This will only take a second." 3) "I didn’t get your message." 4) "I have no idea how that got here." 5) "I thought you said ‘the 16th.’ " 6) "Would I lie to you?" See if you can avoid fibs like those, Capricorn. I’m not asking you to be a superstar of candor—that’s unrealistic—but I do encourage you to cut back on white lies and casual dishonesties as much as possible. This is a time when you really need to know the whole truth and nothing but. And the best way to work toward that goal is to be forthright yourself. That’s how karma operates. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last June, Northern California artist Mary Sobrina Kuder did a gallery show of her paintings. She called it Offerings of Grace and Mischief . That would be an excellent title for the story of your life in the coming week, Aquarius. I believe that you will be receiving offerings of grace and mischief, and I hope you will also be making such offerings. For best results, remember this: The grace and mischief are not contradictory or at odds. In fact, they need each other and belong together. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do you realize how many connections to remote places you have? Are you aware of how routinely you are touched by distant events? As science writer David Bodanis reminds us, "We inhale many hundreds of particles in each breath we take. Salt crystals from ocean whitecaps, dust scraped off distant mountains, micro bits of cooled magma blown from volcanoes, and charred microfragments from tropical forest fires." I urge you to use that as your metaphorical theme this week, Pisces. Let your imagination run free as you renew your connections with faraway sources of nourishment. Revivify your intimacy with departed influences that continue to define you. Dream about the tantalizing future. Homework: What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever done? Testify! Go to realastrology.com and click on "Email Rob."